When a year is ending, many people take time to reflect on their life, the paths they took, the achievements they made, or if they are failing in life.

A lot of people tend to look at where others are in life to determine if they are doing well or not, but is this a healthy approach?

Innocent Kabera, a counsellor, says that we are who we are because of the choices we make in life.

"Everything about life is about making choices, whether it’s to decide to wake up or not, brush your teeth or not, pick up a call or not, everything is about decisions and choices,” he says.

Didier Honore Abimana, a university student and photographer, says that nowadays a lot of people want to be like others, live like others and do what they are doing, forgetting that we are different, and good things take time.

"I personally think that taking time to sit down and have a discussion with people that have done well for themselves helps a lot, a mindful conversation on how they did it, what their motivation was, as this gives direction,” Abimana says. 

He adds that people who often find it hard to excel in life don’t have personal goals, and that is why they tend to look at other people’s achievements to determine their own.

Diana Umwiza says last year was hectic because everything she planned to achieve at the end of the previous one didn’t turn out the way she planned, and almost wanted to give up. For example, she tried to get a well-paying job and move out of her parents’ home which didn’t happen, but she believes she will make it this year.

Christian Mugisha believes that one’s habits and the goals they set for their life will determine how their resolutions will be achieved.

Specific way to set goals

Now that a new year has started, try to repackage old resolutions. The New York Times offers some tips on how to make and keep a new year’s resolution. You’ll give yourself your best shot at success if you set a goal that’s doable, and meaningful too.

• Specific: Your resolution should be absolutely clear. Making a concrete goal is really important rather than just vaguely saying ‘I want to lose weight.’ You want to have a goal: How much weight do you want to lose and at what time interval?

• Measurable. This may seem obvious if your goal is a fitness or weight loss-related one, but it’s also important if you’re trying to cut back on something, too. If, for example, you want to stop biting your nails, take pictures of your nails over time so you can track your progress in how those nails grow back out, Jeffrey Gardere, a psychologist and professor at Touro College of Osteopathic Medicine, is quoted. 

• Achievable. This doesn’t mean that you can’t have big stretch goals. But trying to take too big a step too fast can leave you frustrated, or affect other areas of your life to the point that your resolution takes over your life and both you and your friends and family flail.

• Relevant. Is this a goal that really matters to you, and are you making it for the right reasons? "If you do it out of the sense of self-hate or remorse or a strong passion at that moment, it doesn’t usually last long,” says Dr Michael Bennett, a psychiatrist, and co-author of two self-help books. 

• Time-bound. Like "achievable,” the timeline toward reaching your goal should be realistic, too. That means giving yourself enough time to do it with lots of smaller intermediate goals set up along the way.

Kabera advises to not compare yourself to others but to who you were yesterday. Because when you are feeling the rush you will start telling yourself a story and because you are the author of this story and at the same time the audience, you will tell it based on what you want to hear.