Isaac Mugabi, a senior editor at Deutsche Welle—a German international broadcaster, left his home country (Rwanda) 15 years ago and settled in Germany in search for greener pastures.
Being a husband and father to three toddlers at the time, moving abroad didn’t come easy, because of course as a parent, uprooting your family from their home country, and hauling them halfway across the world, cannot be easy.
A lot goes into considering whether one is making the right decision or not. But after the pros and cons were weighed, he finally made the move in 2006.
Parenting, especially for an immigrant, came with challenges; there were of course the advantages of living in a developed country, however, dialogue about the less pleasant was in plenty too, and this was the most difficult side of living abroad with kids.
Mugabi’s three children who have been raised abroad.
According to Mugabi, the culture abroad is to a large extent very different from Rwandan culture in many aspects.
"Back home, religion for example, plays an essential role in shaping our values. Unlike here, where you find most churchgoers are senior citizens (60 years and above). In Germany, you are most likely to bump into someone eating while heading to work or drinking a cold beer on the streets in the morning and no one cares, which is different from home,” he says.
The dressing style at office depends on an individual, and this varies too with the weather conditions. One can decide to come to the office in shorts and sandals. This is the same with school because they have no school uniform, he adds.
This, however, Mugabi says, has not influenced his lifestyle, noting that he has held onto values that were instilled in him at a young age and that these are what shaped his life.
"Because of this, western culture has not affected my parenting in any way. ‘Spare the rod and spoil the child’, I still subscribe to that old-school-style of parenting. Although, I leave leeway for some freedom because of the times that we live in,” he says.
His children are now grown; a 20-year old daughter and two boys aged 19 and 16.
Foreign influence
On a positive note, the father-of-three says foreign influence can also allow children to exploit their potential in ways that transcend a parent’s expectations, particularly in the academic world.
Like any parent, however, Mugabi was concerned about the importance of one’s roots. He was worried about the path his children were bound to take living in a foreign country.
"Raising kids in a foreign land has never been easy, and if someone told you the opposite, they are not honest with themselves. For instance, children are taught at school about the extreme freedom they have at their disposal to do whatever they want. And they also give them sex education as early as 12 or 13, and more often, they go overboard which doesn’t sit well with some cultures,” he shares.
"Besides, they meet many children with different backgrounds and upbringing, which can bring about problems, if not breakup of some families due to the stress of such situations. You are often worried that western influence might lead your child into certain mischievous acts like a gangster lifestyle or even shape the child’s character into not taking life seriously, since everything is available to them without them hustling,” he says.
As a way of ensuring that his children are raised right, Mugabi says he keeps all doors of communication open. "More often, kids may want privacy and would like to do things the way they want, but you have to ensure that your presence is felt physically, especially when they need any support and parental guidance. That way, you will have fewer troubles. It’s not a one-size-fits-all approach, rather, individual needs and wants for every child,” he shares.
At home, his family mostly speaks their mother tongue, Kinyarwanda, and not German.
"Of course, when the kids talk to each other, they do so in German because it is a reflex action, but we try as much as we can to speak Kinyarwanda. Way back before Covid-19, we had also started weekend language and cultural lessons for all Rwandan children living here in Bonn. But times quickly changed,” he says.
Enforcing Rwandan roots for his children is something Mugabi embraces, believing that it’s important to enforce it lest the child grows into an adult that knows nothing about their roots.
He takes this relevance to the history and past of his country, where he ensures that his children learn and understand what happened during the 1994 Genocide against the Tutsi.
"For many years, they have been taking part in the annual commemorations that we hold here in Germany as diasporans until everything came to a halt due to Covid-19. They know about ‘Ndi umunyarwanda’ and how the whole concept/campaign came about. You can imagine how uneasy explaining that was due to the many questions surrounding ethnicity and the Genocide. For instance, they wanted to know why Hutus killed Tutsis, how the Rwandan Patriotic Front stopped the Genocide etc. I explained all that, albeit cautiously, lest I didn’t get the desired results,” he says.
He recommends the same for parents living abroad but want their children to maintain their African roots. Mugabi ensures a constant supply of local resources to make sure that his children keep in touch with their roots.
"I get Kinyarwanda books from Rwanda whenever I travel back home. It would be easier if there was an online platform in Rwanda where children, not only those in the Diaspora, but also those back home, could sign up and get to know more about their roots,” he says.