Public display of affection (PDA) is quite common; there’s always that couple that loves to display their love on social media platforms like Facebook and Instagram. Their profile pictures are selfies of them together, or a picture of the other. Posts of each other usually end with hashtags like #myeverything, #couplegoals, #thisiswhatloveislike, and et cetera. This is all fine, but trolls like to tease that while it is one’s choice to congest other people’s feeds with their romance, it is only fair that when things fall apart, people are updated with the same enthusiasm because they invested a lot of time in keeping up with the relationship.
Many argue that unlike the public facade, behind closed doors, the couple is always bickering—not nearly as happy as they seem to be in the pictures they post. And that genuinely happy couples don’t have to boast about it. In fact, they hardly discuss their relationship on social media.
In the article ‘What Your Social Media Posts Say About Your Relationship’ published by Brides, the author notes that while social networking has had a hand in strengthening relationships (i.e. allowing us to keep in touch with friends and family across the globe, advancing our careers, and even helping us find love), experts say it has a mostly negative influence on romantic relationships.
It’s one’s choice
It is your wall, your heart, if it ends in tears, they will be yours, so why shouldn’t you? If want you want is to Instagram you and bae all day long, that’s exactly what you should do, some may say.
"Why shouldn’t I post my significant other if I want to? I like posting my partner because that’s who I am. I am not a private person and I don’t care if we break up in the end. If people talk about it, fine, they will move on,” says Odah Madinah.
Zenon Mutsinzi is of the same view, saying that even though he is not in a relationship, he would post his girl if he was in one.
"I can post him on his birthday, graduation or any other occasion to appreciate him, I don’t care if it ends or not, I would post because I want to,” says Nancy Umuringawase.
Caution is key
To some, putting the relationship on social media is only okay if the relationship is worth it. Like Angel Alicia Arineitwe, for example, who says the relationship has to feel real for her to put it out there.
"How far will you go to assure me that we are doing this? That the relationship is real? How willing are you to go down that crazy road with me? Are you actually proving it to me? Are we working things out? Then you are worth posting. I feel like when we are in the early stages of dating, there’s still more to learn from each other. That gives me no confidence to post him that fast.”
"If he is not handsome I probably won’t post him. It would also depend on the status of our relationship, I would post him if we are engaged but not overdo it—perhaps once or twice a month. If we are still at the dating stage, I can’t post him because when we break up, people will mock us,” says Sheilla Uwamahoro, a Kigali resident.
"As a married man with two sons, I believe posting your partner is okay, but before doing so, make sure that you are in this together because some people might not have the same purpose, or some might be using you. Before taking the initiative to post your partner, it is best to first make sure you are both committed to each other, because that is a really big step you are taking, confirming to the world that this person is your other half. Make sure you are on the same page to avoid tears in the end,” says Alex Kamanzi.
It could end in tears
"I used to post her a lot, and add long captions on all my social media accounts. But then we broke up, and I had to go back and delete everything. It was really painful but I had to because she was not mine any more, after that, everyone who met either one of us started asking what happened. Are you guys not dating anymore? Others said they knew that it would end in tears, and from that day on, I vowed not to post someone I’m dating because people get too invested and when it ends they nag you a lot,” says Yves Hirwa.
"It usually ends in tears, couples who post their love a lot never last. But there are people who feel that if you don’t post them, you don’t love them, and this incessant need to be posted might even make you lose interest. I prefer keeping things private, away from people who want to be in my business, and have peace so that if it ends, no one will know,” says Danah Umwiza.
Deodatus Amini says he would post his girlfriend, but is not a fan of the lovey-dovey captions to sweeten things. "It will end eventually and I don’t want people coming to me asking me what happened,” he says.
There’s also a chance that you could come from relationship to ‘situationship’. "I would never do that, what if I post him and find out that he is in a relationship with five other girls? I would only post him after he has put a ring on my finger, other than that there is a risk of it ending in regret,” says Aliah Umuhoza.
Posting (or not) about your relationship online can make a big difference. How or when you do it is entirely up to you, however, according to online dating expert Julie Spira, about six weeks to two months after you’ve decided you’re exclusively dating is a good general rule of thumb.