Who is your role model? This is a question that has been asked time and again. Many will say their role model is someone who has influenced them personally—a parent, friend, neighbour even. Some look up to other people who serve as a constant source of inspiration, well-known or not. 

Role models are said to provide a vision, or some sort of visual proof for who we aspire to be, someone worthy of imitation. This, however, doesn’t mean that everybody has one. And, it is possible to have more than just one. 

"My best friend’s sister was raped when she was 12-years-old but her resilience and strength, to become the successful woman she is today, is inspiring. She got married in her late 30s and takes care of her family. I personally understand her because I was abused too back in secondary school. Maybe later, I will have my own family too,” says one Mutoni, a university student in Kigali. 

Like Mutoni, people tend to look up to someone who went through hardships that they too relate to, people who were able to sail past those adversities and give others hope. 

Others choose a role model on the basis of the career path they want to follow, someone successful in their field of interest. Many young boys will say they look up to Christiano Ronaldo, or Lionel Messi. This, however, may change as they grow because their aspirations and dreams change too.

In rare cases, someone can inspire another to become anything but what they are. Children abused by their parents tend to grow up determined to change the narrative, to be more loving, calm and caring. 

In Karen Young’s article Breaking the Cycle of Toxic Parenting – How to Silence Old Toxic Messages for Good, she says one of the legacies of toxic parents is another generation of toxic parents. But, there is something else they can leave – an opportunity to rise above all of it and parent in ways that are more open, more informed, more loving, and richer for the wisdom and insight that is fuelled by your history.

Arnaud Karangwa is of the view that someone of the opposite sex can also be your role model. 

"I was raised by a woman who was not my real mother. Simply a good doer who used to go to the same church with my grandparents before they died. She inspires me to be humble, a good Christian who helps other people. She is my role model and I try to be like her by all means possible,” he shares.

When role models fall from grace

No one is perfect, that is a fact. So, role models have faults like anybody else. Naturally, people get mad when this happens. "So and so should’ve known better,” they sometimes say. But, one will say, "They are human. Humans mess up.” However, sometimes people, like beloved celebrities, mess up in such negative fashion that it’s really hard to explain it to kids who’ve looked up to them.

"Someone can inspire you in one way and not the other, and its okay. It is better to be you, let examples guide you, then build your own legacy,” Mutoni adds.

Everybody should try to be the best version of themselves, as someone in need of direction is possibly watching. In the words of James Baldwin, "Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.”