When I started high school, I was so excited. I wanted to meet new people, to start friendships that would last forever. I wanted people that would always be there for me, and that I would always be there for when they needed me. Friends that would make me laugh and support me in everything, and vice versa. I wanted great and healthy friendships. Sadly, the opposite of all that is what was to come. Now my ‘ex best friend’, Lisa and I met in the girls’ dorm-rooms, she helped me to unpack my bags and I helped her with hers. From that moment on, we formed a bond. It was a beautiful friendship, at first—helping each other with everything and looking out for each other. Later on, Lisa started changing, she would make everything about her, was always talking about herself and would put me down any chance she’d get. Every time I was complimented on something, she would suddenly get mad, and would make fun of me, or my insecurities, going as far as talking about me behind my back. I started feeling low and sad every time I was with her. After a year of being tormented by one person, I decided I had had enough.
Notice the signs
Toxic friends are pessimistic, it’s like they crave unhappiness and make you feel guilty, and they are not trustworthy. Toxic friendships can do a lot of damage and ultimately destroy one’s self-esteem.
Innocent Kabera, a counsellor, says, "Some friends do not lead us to happiness, when we are around them, we feel irritable, we feel down, insecure and we do not express ourselves to the fullest, and yet it becomes difficult to get rid of them. Fights and disappointments may arise in our friendships which most believe keep us stronger, but when it becomes too much to handle, it is toxic,” he says. Kabera says the solution is to cut such friends out of your life for good when things turn out bad, and to also check yourself because nobody is perfect, you might be turning into a toxic friend unknowingly.
Traits to look out for in a toxic friend:
It is always ‘me, me, me’ with them
If a friendship is toxic, it might start to feel like every conversation you have with this person revolves around them. He/she never asks what’s going on in your life, and only rambles on about their own wants and needs. That’s a sign that the person you call "friend” is on the selfish side, and doesn’t have the capacity to care about you.
They can’t be genuinely happy for you
If the person you call a friend doesn’t seem happy that, for example, you got your dream job, is that really your friend? Does it seem like whenever you take a step forward in life, this person is trying to pull you three steps back? Or they seem to always be in competition with you? Such friends are not worth keeping.
Gossip is their thing
We all know these ones; they love drama and gossip, and when they call, it is not to find out how you are doing, in fact, you low-key dread the conversation. Remember, a person who gossips about others around you, will gossip about you around others. So, to be on the safe side, just avoid these ones altogether.
They like you, but wish you’d change
Someone who tries to change things about you may not be an ideal friend. A true friend understands that people have different personalities, and they’ll accept you for who you are, flaws and all.
Your other relationships suffer
One toxic friendship can slowly but steadily begin to poison other close relationships. You might find it difficult to trust others. You might wonder if everyone sees you as flawed, boring, or unsupportive, and you begin avoiding people as a result. This can keep you from seeking support from people who really do care, leaving you further isolated and alone.