In a radio documentary series ‘Unspeakable,’ Alice Musabende, a Rwandan scholar based in the UK, created conversations about how families can discuss with their children about the 1994 Genocide against the Tutsi.

The series that is set to be aired on BBC Radio 4, on 2 August, resolves to create a platform and context in which parents and families can talk to the next generation about this atrocity, the broader implications of it and what it means for their identity.

When she was 13, Musabende’s parents, siblings and almost her entire extended family was wiped out during the Genocide. She managed to survive and her aunt, who raised her along with her two children.

Musabende and her boys. She wants children to be equipped with the tools to keep memories of the 1994 Genocide against the Tutsi. 

Musabende however recalls struggling with post traumatic issues, which she says gradually recovered from, with the help of mental health professionals.

The last two decades have been a process of healing for her but what she didn’t think about, was that there would be a time when she would have to recount this experience for her children.

"It was only when I had children that I started having moments of pure anxiety where I would think… How am I going to do this? What on earth am I going to tell the kids when they ask me about my experience,” she says.

This documentary series, was hence her way of reaching out to other parents, especially those in the diaspora, to show them that they are not alone.

Musabende observes that children in the diaspora, like hers, while they come to Rwanda quite often, they don’t have the same kind of opportunities to learn about Rwanda and about the Genocide the same way a child who lives there would.

"Every year in April, there are commemoration events; there are speeches, the radio changes the music, TV shows are different, so every child who is around knows that something is going on, even when they don’t quite understand. They know something happened and their parents and everybody else pays attention. I imagine most children who are growing up in the diaspora don’t have that kind of chance to get that understanding,” she says.

With such an environment where there is so little that teaches children about where they come from, Musabende introduced Unspeakable, as a program not as an answer, but a platform inviting other survivors to share their stories and challenges.

Awakened memories

Sometimes, it’s not the big questions of ‘tell me what happened’ that make these conversations challenging. It’s the painful memories they awaken that at times make it unbearable.

They ask you things that are so painful and you get so overwhelmed. They bring up things you have suppressed for so long so that you can function. But through these conversations, you are somehow not just telling them, you are calming yourself down, she says.

Musabende however encourages that when sharing stories of the Genocide, it’s crucial to ensure that children understand the importance of this tragedy. They need to know what it means for their identity. Keeping this information from them, is like keeping a part of their identity from them, the scholar says.

"These talks need to be authentic. We cannot diminish the importance of the Genocide just because we are talking to children; I cannot say- it was just a war because it wasn’t a war, or it happened a long time ago, because it wasn’t a long time ago. For me and a million of other people, it feels like it was yesterday.”

What it means in the big scheme

The survivor clarifies that her initiative is a way of sharing her personal experience and a way of reaching out to other survivors to see how they have dealt with these questions.

"This is just my story and my two children, and not representative of any one’s experience. I don’t want to seem like I am speaking on behalf of anybody else. But I hope it tells anyone else who is out there grappling with the same thing that they are not alone,” she says.

She highlights that, if we are talking about keeping the memory, then we also need to give children the tools to keep the memory. And that these tools start in the family.

"I know there are institutions that are teaching this-memorials, government projects, and that is absolutely essential to keep the memories but I think there is need for conversations inside the homes. The message that I want to leave is that, our children are also hurting, let us as a country, have empathy for them. It’s what I have learnt through this process. They are watching us and they know that something horrible absolutely happened to this country, so we must think of how to support them as they grow.”