I’m usually not a big fan of movies, more so with series. But somehow, one of the latest trending Netflix series, SEX/LIFE, made it to my watch list and I could only blink at the end! It left me with so many puzzles racing through my mind. It is also saddening that one needs to acknowledge that what is portrayed in the film is just a meagre representation of what might be happening in some marriages, in real life.
Thoughts like; why would one have to voluntarily live a life they don’t enjoy? Is marriage about stability? Is fear of a divorce a good reason to cling onto a dying or an otherwise already dead marriage? Or because one fears hurting their partner; feels like a double edged dagger plugged into someone’s chest for the rest of their lives, eventually. Should marriage be about children, family or friends?
Where could it be going wrong?
Girls have for so many generations been groomed for the principal purpose of being a good wife, a mother; an otherwise good character. But how much has been focused on girls’ happiness in marriage? Should the girl’s life end rather than blossom with marriage? In the event of trying to be great wives and mothers, some girls have unconsciously, or out of compromise, gone for husbands that will seem to make this easier for them, ignoring their inner desires and hapinesses. They will rather finally settle with a guy that seems ‘stable’, a potentially good father as society has stereotyped. How about those ladies that would love the thrilling, adventurous, parting type but compromise for fear, security, stability and parenthood reasons? These are subconsciously forced to change their kind of life to suit their partners in the long run.
There is usually in some scenarios a maximum time to which one can manage to live a compromised life, especially when the compromise is about one’s happiness. This is usually worsened by the fact that the other partner will less likely notice what is missing, because to them, they are living their natural life, hence perceive a perfect life. One certainly misses what they knew about afterall!
For the wife that is persistent enough to carry their accumulating frustration for long, midlife might worsen the situation as they could perceive that age as their last chance to experience or relive what they fancied or ever experienced, yet devoid of! Uprisings might start to happen now more than ever before in their marriage, unfaithfullness might start to happen or worsen and be more evident, and any attempts to salvage a marriage at this stage might just prove futile.
Either a typical loveless marriage ensues if the couple decides to focus on other factors other than themselves, such as children, family, public or vows, or a divorce suddenly becomes inevitable.
This is not only just a very nasty ending for both partners, but also many years of living a seemingly miserable life before this point!
For those that maintain the ‘until death does us apart’, they might sadly live and die with so many desires in their hearts that unfortunately could only be fulfilled while on earth; still a nasty ending indeed!
As commonly said, we only live once and worse to that live for not so long. There shouldn’t be too much compromise, especially when it comes to things that bring real happiness while a woman is choosing a husband. If one enjoys the fun-filled and thrilling type, they should marry them because no one will understand you or make you happy like the one that enjoys the same things as you in life. If you are a clubbing and an outing type of girl, don’t go to the church for a husband, and vice versa. The place where you find happiness most should be the right place to find a life partner; a partner that will understand and enjoy your kind of hapiness. If the uncertain future doesn’t turn out as great and things fail to work out as one wished, one would still have enjoyed all their years while it lasted!
In the end, birds of a feather will flock together more harmoniously, beautifully and happily.
Dr. Ian Shyaka Resident, Plastic Surgery Rwanda Military Hospital
iangashugi@gmail.com