When James joined university a few years ago, he found himself in an awkward situation. He realised his reserved nature was actually a burden for his friends, because apparently he wasn’t ‘fun’ enough to socialise with. He neither drank alcohol nor smoked, and they couldn’t help but wonder what he did for fun.

Socialising and having fun has often been associated with drinking, at least for most people. Refusing to conform to this norm can often come with ridicule and contempt.

Vincent Irakoze, a procurement officer, has been sober for his entire life. Though this is a choice he doesn’t regret taking, he admits finding a hard time with socialising since most people don’t understand his decision.

"What makes it even harder is the judgement that comes with it. Most people get shocked when they learn that you don’t drink, and they are vocal about it. Others try to force you to have a drink or even make fun of you and it’s uncomfortable.”

Ange Umuhoza quit drinking a year ago. She reveals one of the reasons that had led her into drinking was peer pressure and the need to conform to society.

"I always felt out of place with my friends when we went out. They would often seem to be having so much fun, while I on the other hand remained uptight and found it hard to loosen up. I eventually gave in and started drinking, believing that it was the best way to have fun,” she says.

Years later, she had to quit, however, after realising that her decision wasn’t based on the right reasons.

"I had to find the right circles, and guess what, we still have fun without getting ourselves high,” she says.

Chris Appleford, a personal trainer and nutrition coach, writes that if you have thought that taking a break from alcohol, or quitting for good, is right for you, giving up your social life doesn’t have to be the price you pay.

The modern way of socialising has led people to believe that they cannot enjoy life as much if they don’t drink. And that alcohol will make them happy, relaxed and more sociable.

Can we go out into the early hours of the morning, not drink alcohol, and still have a great time? Of course we can, but for many of us we either don’t want to give it a go, or we are afraid of what people (and by people I mean our friends) will think of us, Appleford notes.

Own your choices

Appleford recommends being confident with the choices one makes.

If you go out and you are not drinking, be prepared for the standard "why aren’t you drinking” questions. There are two ways to handle it — give a lecture, or explain why with a quiet and dignified confidence. Lecturers usually end up sitting in the corner playing Pokémon GO because no one wants to talk to them anymore, while respect will be afforded to the other guy. There is a third way, to lie, but I wouldn’t recommend it because you will get found out and be in the same boat as the disliked lecturer. Just own the fact you’re not drinking, for whatever reason and for however long, and you will be well on your way to having a successful sober social life, he notes.

Umuhoza believes many hang on to the idea of ‘drinking for fun’ out of fear of what people might say or lack what to do as a way of having fun.

She, however, says it’s important to find new hobbies that will give you opportunities to have fun.

"You can join a dance class, go on trips and make effort to enjoy nature as much as you can. These are all activities that can be fun without consuming alcohol,” Umuhoza says.