Many people say that conflict in relationships is inevitable. When two people come together in a relationship, people with different beliefs and personalities, there is bound to be disagreement and criticism.

This, among other factors, is what provokes conflict. However, counsellors note that being aware of this reality and learning how to handle it wisely is what matters. 

 In fact, they highlight that conflict is not necessarily a bad thing, noting that if handled well, it can instead be a blessing for a couple.

Here are some recommendations on how to handle conflict;

Be open 

When something upsets you and you keep quiet about it expecting the other person to know what is wrong, it doesn’t help and can make the situation worse. Your partner needs to know what is bothering you because they cannot read your mind. 

Choose your fights

Whereas being open is a good thing in dealing with disagreements, there are issues that you need to let go of. Not everything needs to be addressed, especially if you know it really doesn’t have much impact on you and your relationship. Constant fights and bickering can make your partner feel attacked and drained. 

Don’t downplay your partner’s concerns as this can lead to resentment.  Net photo

Don’t build resentment 

When something with your partner is bothering you, bring it up when it occurs. Keeping quiet about it is likely to make you resent them. This at some point will cause a much bigger argument because when you let resentment pile up, it is easy to explode over something that was seemingly small. Resentment can affect your judgment and you can even be very critical of your partner which can cause much bigger issues for your relationship.

Accept conflict

Understanding that conflict is inevitable in relationships is the first step to handling it in a healthy way. Conflict, depending on how you approach it, can be an opportunity for growth. The worst thing you can do is avoiding it altogether. Sweeping the issues bothering you as a couple under the rug just so you can be happy, can instead raise a more complicated issue. Difficult as it is, make it a point to address issues that need addressing as a couple.

Be respectful

When fighting, it’s important to keep in mind that you are attacking the issues affecting you but not each other as individuals. In the heat of the moment, it can be easy to slip up and call each other names, or because of anger, make statements that can destroy your relationship. To avoid this, you need to stop making points for the sake of hurting each other and focus on addressing issues with calm and respect.

Don’t downplay the issue

When your partner brings up an issue, let them know you understand where they are coming from other than accuse them of overreacting. Through actions and words, let them know you feel their frustration and are willing to do what it takes to make things right. This makes a person feel appreciated. 

Set ground rules 

Put rules in place that both of you can follow, especially during an argument. For example, you can decide not to bring up past arguments or use your partner’s past mistakes against them. This can be very hurtful and can even cause resentment. Therefore, some ground rules on what not to say regardless of how angry one gets can be helpful when it comes to keeping things from getting out of hand. You can even have a code word to use when you want to break off the argument before it heats up. Having these rules in place as a couple keeps the fight fair for both of you.