The decision to walk out of a relationship is never an easy one women make, especially where children are involved. Bear with friends who keep coming to you for advice and each time you think it’s over, they go back. You are then invited back to their house and served by a woman wearing a plastic smile because that is her role play.
Celine had been in a relationship for three years and though not officially married, in her community, the arrangement of cohabitation is viewed as a marriage after a while. She was welcomed for family functions. When she gave birth, her mother in law travelled to take care of her. She was impressed. Most new mothers are looked after by their own mothers and not their husband’s. Her man being the only child of his mother was a bit spoilt. She talks of times when he has not worked so hard to provide because if they lack mummy will step in. Coming from different backgrounds, when they first met Celine saw a few things she thought were not right but she ignored them. He was not as self-driven as she was, he had a fall back plan and much as she did too with her parents, hers was not as solid so she always worked as if she was on her own. She had always hoped for a man that would be equally hard working and self-driven that together they would build a fortune.
Matters became complicated when their first child came, she hoped this would be a wakeup call for him because sure enough a child has needs, and as they grow so do the needs. He was a guy who would have a consultancy today and would be off tomorrow, but I’ll tell you this, very highly intelligent and educated. Incidentally, he was under no pressure to be stable or perform in any job and this was largely attributed to his being a child whose parents still had a grip on. They provided the much needed cushion if things went south.
It is okay for one’s parents to be there for them but man, with a woman and child in the mix someone needed to pull up his socks.
As we speak, Celine has packed and left the home. She recently had a candid conversation with him and it was clear that they were on different paths. She wanted to use her education to make something out of her life, but his presence in her life was dragging her behind. Many of her peers did not agree with her but she took the decision in the interest of herself and the child, she chose to be single and raise the child alone instead of being in a relationship that no longer made sense. Women use the excuse of the biological clock and children to remain in toxic relationships and it is never worth it.
Follow Jackie on Twitter @JackieLumbasi