For a long time I have quietly sat and watched groups of men lament over how they spent their money on some undeserving woman, and I wondered why they were with a woman they describe as undeserving in the first place. And did she force him to spend the money on her?
A few years back my friend Gloria was done with campus and had just gotten into her first job when this nice lanky guy approached her for love; she had just come out of a relationship so it took her a bit of time to say yes to his proposal. During the time of contemplation, the guy showered her with attention and love, her phone rang many times a day with him wanting to know how she was. Having come from a middle class family she was a woman of means; she worked near the family home and had minimal expenditure. If she ever needed to spend money on anybody other than her, it would be her sister and a few occasions with the girls.
She weighed her options, did a ‘SWOT’ analysis of this guy’s proposal and realised all she needed from him was companionship. She said yes and that is when he took his ‘care’ a notch higher, he was the bragging type who turned dates into sessions of self-aggrandising, he would list a number of high end schools he attended, mention prominent people whose children he went to the same school with, and they were not average families. He enjoyed associating with the ‘who is who’ and name dropping. Gloria did not fancy any of this, she wished he could just be a nice ordinary guy who would let her enjoy and discover some things by herself.
Seemingly even after all these years since Adam and Eve, men do not understand that a woman responds to what she is given by her man, if he showers her with love, she will reciprocate, if he is the distant type that wants to sit and work at home, instead of catching up and playing with kids she will let him be. Give her a house she turns it into a home. When it comes to finances, a woman is capable of fitting in anywhere, if she falls in love with a struggling John, she will find ways of making that work even if it means denying herself the pleasures of life, enjoyed by others. When she meets the braggart type that wants to talk about how much money they have, inventions they have created and how rich the family is, she will find ways of spending that money. Women are rarely money-minded, circumstances at times turn them into that. You may have spotted a woman seated alone sipping water as she looks around like she is waiting for someone, and when the person shows up her order changes, it is not by accident. For some women the order changes because the ‘braggart’ boyfriend has arrived.
I love my peace and if peace is me helping my man put his ‘lots’ of money to use, I will be there for him, I’ll find my peace.