It has been a little over two months since we went into lockdown. We have been forced to be alone longer than we have ever been. Even when with others, the feeling of apartness somehow imposes itself.
Of course the measures that have been imposed are for our own safety. But they have also created another state of solitariness that many have had to learn to cope with.
Some like it, especially those that hate crowds, or that love their private space even in a shared environment and somehow manage to stay on the outside. Others can’t stand it, particularly if they always want to be at the centre of things.
Still, we often crave to be alone, at least for a short time. That’s why we take holidays and go to places where we can be alone, away from the familiar crowd, free from the pressures of work and other kinds of responsibility.
These opposing reactions to being solitude are perhaps natural – the evidence of contrariness that we find in nature.
Having lived in this state these months and rather enjoyed some aspects of it, like being free from a rigidly structured day, able to set one’s own rules and procedures knowing that you are not offending anyone, I think there is something to be said for solitude, at least from a spiritual point of view.
Now, I am not a very spiritual person. I plod along like most people, which puts me in good company, if that’s any comfort. I make mistakes frequently for which I am quick to seek pardon and I am sure I get it. I make the occasional prayer. Don’t we all, especially when in a tight spot?
On Sunday I go to church. That’s as spiritual as I get.
These last two months I have not been to church, and so have you. But I think I have prayed better. It is not that I have learnt any new prayers or said the ones I know any differently, or learnt novel ways of praying.
Rather, staying alone longer has given me more time to reflect on prayer - how I pray. It is not something that I do at a certain time as a matter of routine, or words that I mouth sleepily or when thinking about other things, or responses that I mumble.
Like most of you, I follow mass on TV. I am now more attentive to everything. I listen more closely to the homily, pay attention to every word, every reference to the scriptures and ordinary life.
There is no risk of dozing off as some uninspiring preacher drones on endlessly. The words of the Archbishop of Kigali that are on message in these testing times: stay safe, look out for one another, have hope and faith, stay the course, have been helpful in this regard.
Very reassuring and the man himself has been a calming presence. I haven’t been this attentive in a very long time.
There are a lot of other things that I now understand and appreciate. For instance, I know a little better why holy men of old (hard to find them today) used to go off to secluded places, often mountains or deserts, where they could be alone and contemplate, meditate and communicate with their creator.
They escaped the distractions of the normal world to collect and focus their thoughts, renew their commitment, and come back revitalised to carry on their mission.
We do the same in the secular world when we to retreats.
I am now able to see hermits’ peculiar lifestyle in a different light. They are not a bunch of crazy people who just turn their backs on the world, but very normal people who think they can travel towards spiritual perfection through denial of the comforts of the world and applying their minds to certain deeds that can actually improve it.
Away from the spiritual world, others like writers and artists have often drawn inspiration from solitariness or been at their creative best in moments of solitude.
However, even with all these good things to being alone, I also recognise that a life of contemplation in solitude, however brief, is not for everyone. Many of us lack the discipline and mental strength for it.
Such singular focus requires one to have a sense of mission – a sort of revolutionary mindset. Sadly many don’t. That’s perhaps why we need rules and regulations, specific tasks, targets, and timelines to guide us.
And so we need all those workplace regimes and are lost without them. We have learnt some things, though, that we can take back to the workplace. We are not robots that can only perform only pre-programmed tasks or donkeys that must be whipped to carry their load.
The enforced confinement caused by COVID-19 has not been a period of groans and impatience to return to the familiar only. It may have been hard, but it has also been a means of discovery of new insights into life and the experience will certainly enrich the post-COVID-19 world.
Twitter: @jrwagatare
The views expressed in this article are of the author.