Recently, I had a fascinating discussion with a friend who is anticipating to settle down in two years time. She will be 28 years by then.
Of course like any other girl in her mid to late twenties, she has been asked countless times when she is planning to get married but she hasn’t found the man of her dreams yet.
I was curious to know the kind of man she is looking for and her list is endless.
"He has to be handsome, God-fearing, patient, humble, sincere, romantic, good temper, adventurous, trustworthy, funny, forgiving, repentant, stable financial status and a mature mind, and so forth.”
I got speechless for a while because as far as I know, she was describing a perfect man.
She has watched probably many soap operas and love stories which she believes that she will have all the fancy and lavish lifestyles portrayed in such films forgetting that such movies don’t depict real life.
Well, who knows, she might get a prince charming with all what she wants although I don’t believe it. But hey, we are all allowed to dream.
Back to my friend, I was forced to ask her a question that she didn’t expect. "So how prepared are you to receive this Mr. Perfectionist?”
Truth be told, she had no answer. She wasn’t ready yet to be the kind of woman she has to be. One who is polished, and ready for a serious relationship?
Often, we have high prospects in people we want to spend the rest of lives with, but forget it is a two-way aspect. As you plan for the kind of person you envision to marry or get married to, they are also busy making a plan of the kind of person they wish to have. Do you have what it takes?
I am certain that it is better to first work on yourself first, then go on the search for your marriage partner.
Any relationship should have a balance, don’t be the one on the receiving side, it sucks. Have something to bring to the table as well.
In his book, "Waiting and dating”, renown author and bible teacher, Dr Myles Munroe, talks about three principles of dating readiness, he quotes, "you are not ready to date if you are not fully aware of both the benefits and the dangers of dating.”
He also says, date only if you find and follow God’s standards, if you are not sure of what God expects of you, find out first before you date and don’t lower or compromise God’s standards to hold on to a boyfriend or girlfriend.
Standing firm on what you believe is a sign of both spiritual and emotional maturity.
He only notes you are ready to date if you first learn to be alone, this helps you learn to be content with how to live in your singleness. This means emotionally, physically, spiritually, intellectually without depending on anyone.
When you finally find the right person, ask them these questions before you proceed with the wedding; what does your relationship with family and friends look like, how are your expenses, and financial goals? Are you willing to have children?
What is their commitment to career and family? Are you happy with each other’s attitude toward health, do you have habits that concern each other?
Do you share religion and how does it play a part in both your lives and are you comfortable with each other’s religious practices?
How will you share home responsibilities?
The writer is a journalist at The New Times.