‘You have the body and size of a model, how come you aren’t one?’ is one of the frequent questions that Christine Mukamuganga often gets from her peers, oblivious of the struggles she has had to deal with to gain more weight.
"Since I was little, my body size has always been a topic of discussion with most people wondering why I never put on weight. I have always been identified as the bonny or skinny one even right in my face. A good number of others, out of concern ask if I eat enough and even offer advice on what to eat to gain weight,” she says, adding that some others even ask her if it is a deliberate move to maintain her size and wonder why I am not a model.
"Joking about or encouraging someone to eat some more because they appear "too thin” is a subtle form of shaming, because some people are that way for all kinds of reasons, from their natural genetics to medical reasons.”
Often times, body shaming is veiled as a compliment, although to the recipient, much of it is overt, even when it comes from a seemingly well-meaning place.
Gisele Emurusenge, a sign language interpreter and student, shares the same experience as someone who is often away from home for a long time.
"You know that you have actually landed home when the first thing you want is a warm welcome hug but you’re welcomed with comments like Yooo! She has lost too much weight.
At first, I used to think it’s a kind of compliment but it doesn’t apply to everyone because people lose weight for different reasons. I got to understand how a person feels when I went to school and returned thinner than I was,” she says.
She says society has made thin women, in particular, think they aren’t allowed to be hurt because they’re skinny, and as a result are frequently held down, yet they are bullied just as much as anybody else.
Body shaming cuts across all cultures, sizes, race and gender. In society, however, that values weight loss and thinness as something everyone should be striving for, fat-shaming occurs a lot more than skinny shaming.
It also comes with more harsh jokes and comments, yet to many, being referred to as ‘fat’ is an insult.
Umuhoza (not real name), a university graduate was medium size until later in life when she started experiencing symptoms of the premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD). Her appetite and cravings for food hit the roof and within no time, her body size doubled.
"I lost control of my body size and within a year, I was unrecognizable. I still struggled with self-esteem when people started saying I was putting on weight suddenly and that I was losing shape. I was obviously aware of that but it was beyond my control and there was nothing I could do about it, yet women are expected to be body conscious,” she says.
She adds that bodies do change all the time, often times unintentionally and assuming that someone is losing or gaining weight by choice further adds to the belief that the person looked worse at their previous size — when you simply don’t know what a person is going through privately.
"I did not struggle with weight problems because I was healthy; not obesse but it was rather an issue of body image. People have given themselves the right to freely body shame others that they do not think about the effects of their own words.It doesn’t help to police someone’s food choices,even in a joking manner, we all have our own battles we are fighting internally,” she says.
Jackline Iringaniza, a counselor says it is not an issue of which body size deserves more sympathy or unsolicited opinion. Body shaming has been made so common that people just accept it as a normal.
People find reason to body shame people even for the slight visible things. Some of these features like height, skin color, or speech defects cannot be changed, yet people continue to body shame others and make it seem normal yet they are hurt when something is pointed at them.
"We need to shift the same energy to health and positivity, rather than appearances. Body shaming is harmful and affects the recipient’s confidence. I get it that some act innocently as a way of initiating a conversation but you may not realise the effect it is having on the person so unless you know what the person is going through, find something else to say,” she says.
For Alex Mulisa, 33, its worse for younger people in their teens and 20s because there is so much comparison with their peers going on. However, as people age, they begin to feel more comfortable and strive to make their health better.
"We all need to be confident in our own skin but also be careful the comments we make about people’s bodies. Be sure to give a compliment that can be uplifting or just ask them generally, how they are doing,” he says.
"I think it is a good idea to first chat with a person before you rush into throwing that kind of comment and again do not try to convince that person to gain or lose weight since you don’t know the effort they have made to gain or lose it,” Emurisenge adds.
editor@newtimesrwanda.com