Dear Counsellor,
I am from a staunch Muslim family, the kind who pray five times a day and even fast. Over the years, I felt myself get disconnected to this religion, and I’ve been spending time with some Christian friends, ‘Born Again’ to be exact, and even going to church. My father found out and really got upset. Which made me want to give up on our religion even more as I don’t feel like I belong. But if I do, my family will never forgive me. I still live with my parents as I’m still in school but I’m tired of pretending. Do I stick to a religion I do not believe in just to make my family happy, or should I follow my heart?
Aisha
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Dear Aisha,
All religions in the world seek for the truth of one supernatural being. In my opinion, seeking this truth may have some obstacles, including parental resistance. Nonetheless, your independent feeling regarding this truth is important to finally determine your religious destiny. Yes it’s true that your family is staunch Muslim and that you ought to seek their validation, however, their reaction might be a little scary so be sure to stay calm and controlled no matter what. It shows them that you’re mature enough to make a decision on your own. You should have good reasons for your belief and be ready to defend your faith. Once you have aligned your head with your heart by sorting out what you believe in and why, the question is no longer a matter of how to convert: you are already of that faith by belief. Stick by your beliefs. Just because Islam is something your whole family practices doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you not wanting to be a part of it. You need to be honest with yourself to start with — check what your actual beliefs are and why you believe in them.
It’s better to suffer the disapproval of your family than to live a lie. But if you think they might deny you certain rights, like refraining from paying your school fees, you can first keep it a secret until such a time when you are of age and gain full financial independence. Remember in the Islamic faith, non-believers stand condemnation. Breaking this news to your parents now may jeopardise your well-being. Time is the solution to your situation. You need to go slow because the relationship between you and God is personal, no one else can define it for you. You are the one God has called and that knowledge of God in your heart, along with the faith that comes with it, will guide you to move forward.
Faith in God is the most powerful weapon against any earthly forces and it has never failed. He came that people might live in peace with each other. Know where your allegiance lies and that should be your driving factor. I’ll encourage you to consider "living by faith and not by sight”. I understand that this is not an easy situation but with faith you will conquer, because He who is in you is stronger than anybody else. If the worst comes to the worst there are some organisations like ‘Open Doors’, a UK-based organisation, which help victimised Christians around the world. You can also establish ties with your nearest religious leaders to help you grow spiritually and get stronger in faith. God bless you.
Your feedback
Follow your heart
I believe being a Christian or a Muslim is a personal decision. If you believe that there is one God, then I suggest you follow what your heart tells you. Also, depending on your age, the decision is in your hands.
Claudine Uwihoreye, Salon owner -
Give them time
Stick to your decision, I believe one day your parents will realise that you are serious and let you be. Pretending to be happy when you are not will result in other problems. What is needed is to have faith and everything will work out with time.
Prince Gahungu, Motorcyclist -
Talk to your parents
You need to share this with your parents; let them know how you feel about what they are forcing you to do. If you continue like this without informing them, things will become worse.
Florent Ndahiro, Businessman -
Hang in there
I suggest you obey your parents and stick to Islam, since you are still under their roof. When you become independent, it will be easier to make your own decisions without worrying about hurting them.
Elicana Uwamahoro, Mother of one -
How serious are you about this?
I think the reason your father got upset is because he believes you are still too young to make your own decisions. However, prove to him how serious you are about this, and with time, they will respect your decision.
Samuela Uwera, Sunday school teacher -