Dear Counsellor

My mother is forcing me to go to a single sex school but I do not want to. I’ve been in a mixed school since I started and we’ve had no problems. I’m not good at associating with girls only and I get along with boys much better. She doesn’t understand this. Laila.

An environment for just one gender limits students from exposure to many things, like learning more about the opposite sex. Nonetheless, your mother must have her reasons as to why she insists on a single-sex school. Perhaps she wants to protect you from all the risks associated with mixed-sex schools. She also could feel that single-sex schools offer a less-interruptive learning environment, with fewer distractions, or because it is in alignment with her religious beliefs.

As a parent, it’s her duty to protect and guide you, albeit her argument may lack sufficient evidence.

If you’re clashing with your mother because of your passion for a mixed school, you need to find justifiable reasons why you want to keep in a mixed school, and then calmly express your feelings. First of all, your choice for a school should be based on academic strength and not the opposite sex. Look for studies that explain advantages of attending mixed-sex schools. Explain to her that mixed-sex schools help prepare students for the real world, in which you’ll have to mix with the opposite sex at the workplace, or other social environments. It provides the liberty to challenge your mind and strengthen your character and self-esteem. There’s no reason to miss out on the positive experiences mixed-sex schools have to offer, like learning how to embrace differences in opinions, preferences, and life choices — academically and socially. Single-sex schools tend to limit a student’s opportunity to work compliantly and co-exist well with members of the opposite sex.

If it’s difficult for you to convince your mother about your interest, approach a teacher to help talk to her on your behalf. Experienced teachers usually understand gender differences and are skilled at accommodating learning styles in their mixed-gender classrooms. So they are in a better position to talk to your mother about the significance of attending a mixed school.

Also, if you switch to another school now, your study routine will be disrupted and the pace of comprehension will slow down to accommodate new teachers, practice, content and students, plus the environment may involve a learning curve which definitely puts your studies at risk. Therefore, you have a challenge to work hard and achieve good grades at your current school which will work in your favour when trying to convince your mother to let you continue your studies at in a mixed gender school.

Their thoughts...

Alyse Ineza, Student

It’s obvious that you cope with boys better than girls, but in my opinion, a change in school might be an opportunity for you to socialise with fellow girls. Life requires that you get along with all kinds of people. Think about it.

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Patrick Karasira, Student

I encourage you to change your attitude towards girls and single sex schools, it’s not as hard as you think. Learning is not only an activity in the classroom; it is everyday life. Embrace the school with a positive attitude. There are many things to learn.

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Noela Niyonkuru, Student

You are still young, and so you need to get along with people. The more you isolate yourself from girls, the harder it will be for you to socialise with them now, and in the future. It’s an experience that I believe will open your mind on society in general.

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Janvier Hitayesu, Student

Open up to your mum and share your concerns about school, and how it’s important that you stay in a school where you can socialise freely — with boys and girls. However, it’s important that you make some effort to get along with girls the way you do with boys. Show your mum that you can have a balanced social life.

Compiled by Dennis Agaba