Marriage is considered the most basic social institution in Rwanda. However, while weddings mark the beginning of the journey to marital bliss and lifelong companionship, some argue that the numerous wedding ceremonies celebrated in Rwanda could be just a waste of time and resources.
Rwandan weddings have three parts: a traditional ceremony, a civil ceremony and a religious church ceremony. The traditional ceremony contains other ceremonies that include the ‘Gufata irembo’, ‘Gusaba’, ‘gutwikurura’, and ‘guca mw’irembo’.
56-year- old Peace Musanabera explains that all these ceremonies allowed families to show their outpouring of love for the families and keep relations between the two families alive and strong.
She adds that marriage in Rwanda was accorded much respect and dignity as couples not only sought to establish a family and raise children, but also establish kinship systems.
Musanabera summarises what ceremonies mean in their line of order: Courtship (‘Gufata irembo’) consists of a set of rituals that involve negotiations for the bride price with representatives from the groom’s family to the bride’s family, after the two families approve of the relationship. Courtship is supposed to culminate into marriage under traditional laws and customs.
Next would be the traditional introduction ceremony (Gusaba), an occasion where the bride-to-be introduces her future husband to her friends, parents and relatives, during which, the groom’s family is required to pay dowry in form of cows or money before the validation of the marriage.
The ‘gutwikurura’ (unveiling) ceremony comes after the religious wedding where the family of the bride goes to the couple’s home and presents several household items to help the family in their new journey. Traditionally, after marriage, the newly-wed wife stays isolated for a certain period of time. It is after then that the couple’s parents visit the couple’s home to know how they are faring, a ceremony called ‘guca mw’irembo.’
Even though the cultural traditions are evolving, the main three ceremonies are considered vital in society, but with today’s marriage ceremonies becoming expensive and too demanding, people often question the essence of all three ceremonies.
Vanessa Nkesha, a university student wonders why one would organise all the three ceremonies because it would make some discredit the others.
"I love our cultural ceremonies when it comes to marriage; they are part of what makes us unique as Rwandans. However, the modern world and the colonial heritage is overlapping with our culture and devaluing our original ceremonies. We don’t need three ceremonies to be declared officially married in this economy. One should be enough and considered equally by the law. We need to re-evaluate how much value we give our cultural practices for it to hold meaning for generations to come,” she says.
Others, however, like Prossy Mugwaneza, are keen on formalising their marriages without the hassle of church nuptials. They prefer to wed at the district offices, which is the cheaper route when the overall costs are factored in.
"We had a few members who acted as our witnesses during our civil wedding and we invited a few more people after the district ceremony to feast with us and that was it. I found it cheap and time effective. I do not see why I should buy extra gowns and hire expensive cars for the religious ceremony when I am legally recognised by the state and my people witnessed the wedding,” Mugwaneza says.
There are various ways you can make your civil wedding unique. This depends on how much money you saved for the occasion.
Musanabera, however, argues that all ceremonies should be celebrated, because they serve different purposes. She explains that Gusaba is a celebration for families while the civil marriage is to legalise the marriage. Christians also wed in church because they follow biblical principles to do everything in unity.
Pastor Hassan Kibirango of Christian Life Assembly further explains that civil weddings in Rwanda are the legally recognised form of union by the state but, for Christians, a union recognised by the church in the presence of God, as the author of marriage, and people as witness is a must.
"God’s central place in the union of marriage can’t be ignored.
"If we had pastors or priests to offer blessings at the sector offices, the wedding would be valid both to God and the state. You, therefore, don’t need a church wedding to have God endorse a union, but you do need a celebrant endorsed by a given church and they can pronounce the two husband and wife whether at the sector offices or by the beach,” Kibirango says.
When the ceremonies cost ‘an arm and a leg’
Musanabera says that lavish reception venues, mind-boggling vehicle fleets, extravagant photography budgets, large cakes, expensive golden rings, imported garments, among others, are the items that feature in the budgets of modern-day weddings and which have made many feel out of place in the wedding economy.
"Couples are free to have a lavish wedding ceremony, the only problem is when you begin inconveniencing others by soliciting for the little money they have. The never-ending text messages constantly reminding them to attend wedding meetings can be annoying,” she says.
Sherry Uwase, a video blogger, says that wedding contribution is also part of the Rwandan culture although people nowadays have taken it to the extreme.
"Someone that you meet only once can send you a message that they are getting married and that is when they need contribution. Most of the time, it happens because of the wedding groups yet the culture of wedding groups is to simply support people, in any way to get married,” she says.
Meable Akamanzi had a lavish wedding three years ago and even though she enjoyed every bit, she regrets having spent a lot of money on it. If she would do it again, she would budget for her ceremonies at a friendly cost.
All I cared about at the time was to please my friends and family, and make my mother proud. My friends and family had to contribute towards a part of the budget and we were still left in debt. If I would turn back the hand of time, I would have a ceremony that pleases me and my husband because I have learned that one can seal a marriage without going bankrupt,” she says.
editorial@newtimes.co.rw