The heart wants what it wants

 The issue of age and relationships has been a contentious one for ages. What I seem never to understand is if anything should really matter, if you are truly in love. As long as they are of a consensual age, if you really love them, the rest should be irrelevant.

A good relationship is a result compatibility, not age. Age doesn’t define your maturity at all.   How many people have we seen who are 21 but reason like adults and shockingly, 45 year olds whose brain seem to be stuck at 17? 

When people talk about age gaps, they talk about when one slows down when age begins to catch up. They talk about when the younger person begins to want to continue enjoying the fast life when the older one would rather spend his or her free time relaxing. They talk about how it finally dawns on both that the age gap has indeed created a gap in their relationship.

 What they forget is that each individual is different from the next and there is no reason to assume that not everyone young wants to live a fast life. They forget that not everyone old wants to leave a slow life and most importantly, they forget that just because someone is older, doesn’t mean that they can’t keep up with their younger partner.

I think that when problems arise in a relationship and the issues are blamed on the age difference, then there were no real and deep feelings between the two to begin with. I know if you love someone you aren’t going to stop loving them because they have slowed down before you do.

Things have changed.  Time differences have become less noticeable and slowly, age is ceasing being a taboo social topic especially because 50 years old in 2016 can do many more activities than a man of the same age in 1900.

One can never fully exhaust this topic but what I know for sure is that it all boils down to what one is looking for and compatibility. A number cannot determine your feelings simply because relationships are not built around age but feelings and a connection.

A person who says that age matters is using this lame excuse to say that they themselves are not confident and they are definitely not sure about their feelings. You can’t control who you love or who you fall in love with. If you are lucky and your feelings are reciprocated, the rest is really trivial.

editorial@newtimes.co.rw

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It depends on the age gap

It’s easy for one to say ‘age is just a number’ but the very people who encourage others with this legendary line, seldom put it into practice themselves. Why’s that?

Before I argue, how big a difference are we talking here? I mean, if it is a few years apart, say less than five, that isn’t the worst thing in the world, but then again, what do I know?

But I am entitled to an opinion, right? That said, when it comes to age and relationships, women suffer the most. When a man dates a woman over 10 years his junior, no one even bats an eyelid. Unless he looks like he was born in 100BC, society will frown upon it, but people will move on faster than Riderman moved on from Assinah.

But should a woman walk around with a man young enough to ‘roll’ with her son, the claws and fangs come out. All of a sudden people have a moral obligation to speak out. If the guy isn’t openly teased about the ‘fossil’ he calls a girlfriend/wife, people will secretly question his state of mind.

Last year, 28-year-old Ugandan singer, Ronald Ssemawere, commonly known as Guvnor, set social media ablaze when he professed his love for a 68-year-old Swedish grandmother, Mona Lisa Larsson. They then proceeded to get married, and not even his claims of ‘love conquers all’ silenced people who were certain that he was only after financial gains and of course, entry to Europe. Because, according to them, being with a woman that old was simply incomprehensible.

It came as no shock when in February this year, Larsson took to social media to announce to anyone who cared to read that the singer had dumped her after they got to Europe. Their breakup came just six months after they got married.

When it comes to relationships and age, it is clear that celebrities have told ‘haters’ to shove their views where the sun doesn’t shine, if the rate in which older women are going for much younger men is any indication.

Actress Susan Sarandon is quite attractive for a woman her age, which is probably why the 30-year age gap didn’t bother her ex-boyfriend Jonathan Bricklin. By the time of their split, Sarandon was 68 and Bricklin, 38! People had a field day, calling her all sorts of things, including an antique. But when Playboy founder, Hugh Hefner, married his third wife, Crystal Harris, who was – wait for it - 60 years his junior, I imagine there was a huge bash in honour of the ‘achievement’.

So, perhaps in Hollywood this is not the strangest thing in the world, but from where I’m standing, I need to ask why?

You can’t help who you love, some say. But seriously, how do you even get to the point of love with someone who was still peeing on the bed and picking their nose like all the boogers in the world had taken up residence there, while you were sitting your last exam in college?

What do you possibly talk about? What views and general concerns do you share? Do you even want the same things? How compatible are you? If a guy is yet to knock at 30’s door, and naturally wants to have kids someday, but his love interest’s menstrual period signed out long before Colonel Muammar Gaddafi (RIP) went into power, what then?

It really doesn’t matter who is older, what matters is, are you on the same page? There should be a limit, say five years, because maturity plays a huge role in relationships. But don’t push it. Love matters, yes, but age matters too.

rachel.garuka@newtimes.co.rw