Recently I have had the honor of hearing many testimonies of 1994 survivors. They’ve expressed how therapeutic it is to have a healing space in which to release long hidden thoughts and feelings. They explain to me that it is not commonplace in Rwandan culture to express emotions and that, after 1994, they had to make a choice between getting stuck in the grieving process andmoving with the pace of economic reconstruction. Many chose the latter. Now, twenty-two years later, they are starting to realize that there is much that has gone unresolved and they are seeking a way to free themselves from the emotional pain, using their stories to help heal others. 

There are many themes among these stories. One is the feeling of disconnection between thoughts and feelings; the inability to link the facts about what happened to the emotions that were experienced. Many relay the details of their 1994 storieswithout emotion; unable to cry the tears of grief or sadness that intellectually they believe they "should” feel. Some simply feel there is no point in going back and re-experiencing that depth of pain. But one thing is for certain: there are emotions that have not yet been acknowledged and felt. When this happens, unprocessed emotion translatesitself into myriad physical symptoms: headaches, backaches, fatigue, and high blood pressure. This causes many to miss work, withdraw from social events, or experience waves of depression or isolation. Holding in emotions stagnates our energy and keeps us locked in outdated patterns, preventing us from fully engaging with life as it is today.

Another theme is discomfort with expressing emotion. There is a fear of feeling those feelings; apprehension that if people really embrace how they are feeling, they won’t know how to manage it. How to feel something that happened so long ago and yet occurs to you as if it happened yesterday? How to express feelings when those around you are not comfortable with your emotions? Fear of emotion is nothing new. Many people are afraid of deeply feeling things. The problem is we aren’t just afraid of feeling negative emotions like anger, grief, or anxiety, many people are also terrified of the positive ones like love and joy.

There are no surefire solutions to the scenarios offered above. But we can begin to recognize where our emotions are blocked and make the connections between thoughts and the emotions we keep at bay. We can start to take small risks in safe places where we share what’s on our hearts and lean in toward fully self-expression. We can start to identify how emotions run our lives, and take a stand to re-empower ourselves by sharing our stories. Sharing our stories does not just free us from the damaging implications of silence but gives others the freedom to heal themselves, to explore their own history, and invites them into a dialogue so they might understand the connections between their emotions, health, and overall well-being.

Billy Rosa is a Registered Nurse, Integrative Nurse Coach Visiting Faculty, University of Rwanda