…always try to blackmail you into visiting them. It is fair to say that a good number of us love visiting and in fact a whole sector (tourism) is hinged on this kind of love. What is rather annoying is the attitude some people have of thinking that they should blackmail others into visiting them. Do not pretend like you don’t have that friend who instead of just inviting you to their home would rather package the invite as blackmail.

The ones who are quick to utter statements like, "So you refused to visit me or I can’t believe you haven’t been to my place.” These retired thinkers always make me wonder whether they really think their homes are tourist sites listed on some brochure. What happened to just inviting or taking me to you place. Is it too much to ask?

…make you part of their suicide plans. Alright I will admit, I fear death. I fear it so much that if I see someone about to die I do my best not to accompany them after all even if I am your brother, my picture does not appear in your ID or passport so please just go alone.

There is a tribe of very stupid motorcyclists (Moto drivers or boda boda) who think they should die with their passengers. These guys will devour corners like they are in the final race of Moto GP and will not hesitate to speed so fast making you wonder how they missed the chance to get a job as outriders for the presidential convoy.

Many times I just think they are having some major issues back home and have decided to kill themselves on the road. But why not wait when you have no passenger.

…wear weaves with so many colours. This message goes out to our sisters. Yes it is ok to express your artistic side even though the truth is that you and art are just like oil and water – no mixing. Maybe it is called fashion and The Hater just doesn’t get it, but hey I have a column to write here and yes I don’t like how some of you mix so many colours leaving me wondering whether rainbows can be mobile in the first place.

Sometimes the colours are so messed up one could think the weave was designed by a cross-eyed toddler with a packet of crayons. It is one thing to try and have the kind of hair you often see on TV but this business of walking around looking like a product chart for a paint manufacturer needs to stop. By the way what do you write on those forms where they ask about the colour of your hair?

…pretend to be special employees or volunteers. I have just checked the date and it appears that this month has come to an end. This can only mean one thing – salaries have been paid. But for some people this is the time to join the stupidity Olympics by pretending to be volunteers or special employees. These are the jokers who never want to pay what they owe even after being paid by their employers.

They will tell all sorts of lies about how they were have not been paid and if you say but others were paid, they will say they are clients of a different bank which takes months to process a mere salary. Of course if you know such a person then you should never lend them anything besides rat poison. Give them something you won’t need back.

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