My friend has been married for almost 10 years now. However, her husband is a serial cheat and everyone knows it, sadly, including her. The man sleeps around with any woman willing to go along with it. He is attractive so it is easy for him to get women.

My biggest worry is my friend insists on staying in this unhealthy marriage. I have tried to talk some sense into her but all she says is that she made a vow to stick to her husband. He has even started disrespecting her in public and making her look stupid.

I once confronted him after he called her dumb and useless in front of other friends at a party and he nearly slapped me. I am worried that this man is going to give my friend HIV or one day beat her up and I care about her way too much to just sit there and let it happen.

How can I get her to see that this relationship will be the death of her?

Katrina

The counselor’s thoughts...

Your friend as a matter of concern must be experiencing emotional chaos. The guy who was once the centre of her universe is then relegated to a distant planet at the furthest edges of her soul radar as advanced by his high levels of adultery and mistreatment. She doesn’t deserve this. It’s difficult to show someone love and respect only to realise that you aren’t getting it in return. So many women out there attempt to survive affairs without some kind of professional help only to find them stuck in a vicious circle of anger, resentment, negative emotions and mistrust, just like what your friend is going through.

But there are critical steps you need to take if you have to help her get out of this trouble and even afford to forgive him. First you have to start with her individual healing. Understanding personal healing and sorting through her emotions is one paramount step to her success. The second step is healing as a couple. Working together to identify and resolve key issues in their relationship is crucial at the moment. The third step is negotiating a renewed relationship with the involvement of his closest friend or people that she respects most in the family.

Her marriage isn’t over if she doesn’t want it to be. In fact, I’m a living testimony that she can save her relationship and even have a better one; if she takes advantage of this crisis and rebuilds the honesty and the love in the right way. I just don’t know any happily married people that haven’t been faced with infidelity, however, betrayed women have different paths to go over it. She should take good care of herself, eat, sleep well and not spend every moment thinking about the affairs.

Many of the happy marriages you see today have gone through a milestone of devastating troubles including cheating and beatings. But because they have learnt to resolve matters amicably and forgive each other, they have always reconciled and rejuvenated their lost glories and are now conquerors. It’s all about sacrifice and she will soon overcome.

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Your feedback: Readers advise Katrina

That’s her problem, not yours

Noel Kyabaggu

Katrina, everyone has their fate so don’t try to get in their business. She loves the man and maybe there is something he is doing right. I wouldn’t go for divorce either. I suggest you put them both in your prayers and not try to stir trouble.

You can’t possibly understand her situation

Maria Ntawirema

A woman thinks of more than just her situation. She thinks of children and her entire family. I am afraid you might not understand what kind of situation it really is unless you face it. Keep comforting her. That is the best you can do my friend.

Pray for them

Janvier Niyigena

The power of God provides comfort and peace, no man can challenge that. I have seen men that have changed and been the best husbands and I can assure you that prayer will sort it out and divorce doesn’t guarantee happiness.

Maybe a relative can help

Andrian Muwendo

In such a situation, it is only mothers that can talk to their daughters and they listen. It is going to be hard with you telling her. Get her mother or aunties to talk to her and make sure she listens. There is no point in trying to save her if she won’t listen.

Drag her out of it

Esther Mirembe

There is nothing worse than being unhappy because of what someone is going through and because you are attached to them, you have to deal with it. This is sad and she needs to know what situation she is in. Please drag her out of it.

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Let them be

Jean Philip Bugingo

Every family has its issues. Just because this one is open doesn’t mean it has to lead to divorce. Let the couple be.

They need counseling

Joy Asianut

Why is she still there? Much as the guy is cheating, is she doing everything right? You could find that the man is lacking what he needs from the marriage. They should see counselor.

She doesn’t want your help

Akello Hope

Very many men cheat and they can very well give their wives Aids. This isn’t the first case so let her leave when she feels it is the right time.

She needs to leave him

Opportune Kwizera

Why is the woman being so dumb? What is the point of staying in the marriage if she will not be alive to see it through? Get your friend out of there.

He is taking advantage of her

Richard Ntawiha

People have funny ideologies about divorce and make it look like it’s the worst thing. And men are taking that for granted and sleeping with anything wearing a skirt because they know their wives won’t leave them. Shame! She needs to change her situation.

She will end up with Aids

Lawrence Mushumbamwiza

If she can’t leave, then she should deny him sex. Otherwise she isn’t being smart and she could end up with Aids.

Stop trying to save her

Leila Umuliza

The woman clearly doesn’t want to be saved so stop trying to. Sometimes you have to let people make their own mistakes. At least she won;t say you didn’t try.