When I learnt that Rwanda would not be represented in the Big Brother House, I was saddened indeed! I truly believed that our participants would have imparted high values in the BBA house.

I guess we may have to wait for next year. In fact, I think I will take my small potbelly to Lemigo next year to participate in the audition sessions. I will convince myself that I could emerge the best candidate in the BBA auditions and chew some clean money. 

At least, I will not become a fake representative, like some ladies we tried to recruit in the late 90s. As I told you last week, Aggrey and I had opened up a pub with the main objective of turning upright thinking men and women into cabbages.

We were planning to tap into the NGO funds as most of their expatriates would stop at our pub for a swallow or two. So, as we tried to recruit first class barmaids for the pub, we had to visit the Cadillac Discotheque to perform a mini audition. 

Cadillac had to be the right place for recruiting barmaids as this place was constantly packed with all sizes and shapes with hungry and thirsty looking men ogling all over the place. This is where the ladies hanged around hoping to hook up with an expatriate, who would possibly fulfill her dreams of getting her that most sought after visa to Canada.

Since we could not offer visas to Canada or Belgium, we tried to convince some of these ladies to come and work for us at our pub in exchange for real dollars. Some of the ladies shunned us. But some desperate ones agreed to consider our offer.

So, amid the loud booming disco music and thick cigar smoke, we carried out the auditions and eventually managed to shortlist four desperate candidates for the job. The conditions for winning were that the candidate had to show the ability to communicate in both English and French.

After rounds of verbal interviews, in which the candidates rapped in very broken English and "torn” French, we confirmed the candidates and asked them to report to work the next day. It was the following day that I realized how true the following phrase can be; Good from far but far from good.

When these candidates arrived at our pub, we were shocked to the core. Not only were they very ugly; they were somewhere into their late fifties! Indeed, the disco lights of Cadillac had completely fooled our eyes!