Remember when I wrote about how the truth about being single in Rwanda? It was a result of the conscious and unconscious societal norms that push the girl child to the extreme because they aren't married yet.
This pressure usually starts after graduation from university.
Meanwhile, at this age, the girl barely understands what they want from life, who they are, or their potential. Their esteem, self-awareness, and self-sustainability skills are still wanting as they have just been released into the tough world by the university, but the good old aunties, on the other hand, are asking why the girls aren't married yet.
Once, my friend's dad passed away, and when I went to the funeral, her sister-in-law asked, "nanubu nta mugabo urabona?" I kid you not; this took place in the graveyard as the choir sang those final songs before lowering the body to the ground. But the deceased's daughter-in-law had more pressing needs – whether Stella was married. When I remember that incident, I chuckle a bit.
Fast forward to after the girls get married, as I did recently. Soon after, people start looking for pregnancy signs, in most cases, as soon as the couple returns from their honeymoon. Most phone calls that come after one is married (not so) jokingly ask if the lady is already expecting. It is also not uncommon to notice people's eyes lingering a little on the belly area when they meet a recently married woman. Others even ask if (or why) you are not pregnant yet. In broad daylight. In 2022.
A new wife can't get a common cold or fatigue for no reason because as soon as people hear that she's unwell, they convert it into baby formation sickness and aren't afraid to ask. If she walks around with red eyes, someone will joke about pregnancy, but probably, she didn't rest enough.
Did you know that marriage comes with new responsibilities? The shift is a little stressful for some couples, so they take a while to have children. Some married couples battle illnesses and infertility; perhaps, others enjoy each other first before children come into the picture.
A friend of mine told me that a few months into her marriage, her work colleagues could not stop pressing her about when she'd have kids, so she eventually started faking the pregnant "catwalk" so that people would leave her alone. It worked for her; on the outside, but can you imagine how much pressure one would be undergoing for them to decide to at least look pregnant so that people will shut up?
A bit of kindness to couples without children wouldn't hurt because we honestly don't know what's happening behind the scenes. As grown-ups, we need to learn when our comments are welcome, and in this case, I believe the couple would invite us to advise them, but otherwise, let's give them space. In short, let’s not give up the good habit of minding our business.