It just occurred to me that I have quite a number of musician friends, but almost no DJ buddy. Why is this so? It is because experience has taught me not to trust a disc jockey for a friend.

Who wants a friend that walks with head high into a six year-old kindergarten girl’s birthday party and shamelessly introduces himself as "DJ Cream”, "DJ Casanova”, "DJ Baby Love”, or whatever it is that DJs call themselves these days? Not me, certainly.

For your information, dear DJs, that same birthday party at which you introduced yourself as "DJ Ladies’ Wine” also had lawyers, journalists, professors, mechanics etc in attendance, but they never saw the need to remind the little girls about their professional titles. Some things are better left to DJs!

I may not have any decent circle of DJ friends to write home about, but the nature of my work still brings me in contact with the people that make us dance. In other words, sometimes my editor sends me to nightclubs and discotheques to sound them out.

And DJ interviews tend to follow a relatively predictable pattern, in that half of the time, after the interview, the jockey will demand to know if his story (and picture) will be splashed on the front page!

Now, unless you happen to be DJ Pius, who does not just spin other people’s records but also puts out his own, having a DJ story on the front page is a far-fetched dream.

Yet even DJ Pius can hardly make Page One news. The best he can dream of is for his story to be "flagged” on the front page: this is when a newspaper basically gives the reader a free sample (jaribu) of a story that is buried deep inside the paper, but that shows potential to attract many views: "Kanda amazi singer drops hot new single –Pg 34.” Something like that.

Also, it is only DJs who, after their story has been published, have the audacity to call up the writer and demand to know why their heavily photoshopped picture had to be printed in black and white! For your information, all newsrooms have what in newsroom speak is called a "photo desk,” that is, a specially designated section where all the experts in taking photos and using cameras converge. Sometimes they are called photojournalists or simply paparazzi, and I’m sure you’ve ever stumbled upon that word.

Actually, storming the photo desk in a rage won’t do you any good, since the work of the paparazzi is simply to snap and file pictures for editorial use. The decision as to which page goes black and White, and which one will come out in color comes from "powers above”, and I’m told those powers sit in a quiet, no-nonsense, specially designated section labeled "Production.”