My husband and I have been married for 14 years now and all this time, he has cheated on me.  I have tried to forgive him but I can’t. I do love him but he has destroyed me as a woman in many ways and I have no self esteem anymore. I work hard and have helped him in so many ways.

I have these nightmares waking me in my sleep. I took on his children as if they were my own. The sick part is I believe he is at it again but this time if I am right I don’t think I can stay - not even for the children.

All the signs are there - hiding calls and texts and blocking his phone yet it was open before; not that I ever needed to look, I only found that out when his phone rang and I could not answer it. I am a Christian woman and I don’t believe in divorce – I believe in working through our problems but this has gotten out of hand and I am worried for my kids and myself. Help please.

Anita K, Kimironko

Wake up and smell the side dish!

I really do not want to base my advice on the old adage ‘once a cheat, always a cheat’ phase but it is what it is. This man, you claim, has cheated on you before; not once or twice, but constantly. 

You say he has destroyed you in more ways than you care to explain and that my dear is as bad as it gets. If you feel nothing about yourself then I don’t see how you even get out of  bed feeling worthless.

As a Christian, it is quite normal that you would want to stay and work things out with your man but honey, no man - or religion- has the right to take away your happiness. If you want to be happy and healthy for your children, you need to drop the cheat like a bad habit and focus on your kids. They are absoluetly worth it and with time, they will understand why you did what you did. 

If it helps, talk to a counselor - he/she might just put things into perspective for you. For now, do not give up on yourself. Don’t ever let a man make you feel like you are not good enough. okay?

Collins, 26, is married

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It’s a marriage, not a date

I’m  deeply sorry about your troubles. It can’t be easy tolerating a man who steps out on you every chance he gets.

However, I take marriage very seriously and believe that you have got to fight for it to live up to it’s true purpose. 

‘For better or for worse’ right? You said those vows with utter sincerity so please, honour them. 

I know he is being mighty selfish now but don’t give up on him. If you have to, drag him to a marriage counselor. As you get exterior help, continue being the good wife, the great mother. Even though he is acting foolish now, he will see it, and should he finally get a reality check, he will know it was no one’s fault but his own. 

I know it is easier said than done but this is a marriage, not a date you can just end and not look back. Think about your kids and what this divorce will do to them. You don’t want that, do you?

It's hard but you have got to fight for your marriage. 

Patrick, 22, is in a stable relationship

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Suck it up and face the music

Your loyalty is to be applauded but your ignorance surpasses mankind. How does a hardworking woman, all senses intact wake up to the realisation that it’s now time to "try” and get a divorce. I say "try” because you mentioned that you are a Christian woman who doesn’t believe in divorce, really!! If your faith has been helping you sustain your marriage, has it run out? This is a matter of principle not religion and therein is your biggest problem. 

Not to believe in divorce should be a principle and not because the church says so, the church has its fair of beliefs of which divorce is among, don’t be ignorant enough to involve in this. Have you tried to find out why your husband has always cheated on you? Maybe you are the problem. Is there any law against hiding calls or changing security settings in his phone? It is called a private phone not a public phone. 

Worry all you want but it’s better to seek out your husband before you make a fool of yourself by running away basing your argument on signs that might not mean anything.

Dean, 28, is single