Relationships are one thing and friendships another

So many times, we hear people saying things like ‘I married my best friend.’  It may be true that, in fact, they were friends before they got married or that, maybe, they are so close that they feel they have known each other for years but once the knot is tied, what happens to the friendship? It becomes more like a partnership.

So many times, we hear people saying things like ‘I married my best friend.’

It may be true that, in fact, they were friends before they got married or that, maybe, they are so close that they feel they have known each other for years but once the knot is tied, what happens to the friendship? It becomes more like a partnership.

Allow me to explain.

Think about the kind of talk friends have. They are always very open about failures and shortcomings. There is no need to feel shy about problems when talking to friends or asking for their help. In a close friendship, it is expected to know everything about each other, however embarrassing.

Can we say the same for intimate relationships? I highly doubt it because naturally humans are so secretive and they would rather not lose face with their partner. It is easier to talk to a friend about a problem than it is with a spouse.

We try to impress our partners when we are in a romance. We calculate our moves. This difference between friendship and relationship is very deep. We calculate our moves in a relationship, but are very open in a friendship. We are like children when it comes to friendships but try to behave like adults in relationships.

Some people think that being as honest as humanly possible in a relationship is the way to go. Sure, honesty is the best policy but let us try to be direct here. It really does not work sometimes. Which is why, when tormented with guilty thoughts, it is most likely your buddy who gets the briefing.

Friends understand, well at least true friends do. They do not see you any differently no matter the offense. If you lost a job, they will not despise you, but rather will offer to help where they can. A spouse, on the other hand, does not have that patience. Bills need to be paid and, therefore, news of a lost job just will not do!

That is why some people will not tell their spouse that they were fired. If it means they have to dress up and pretend they are going to work everyday while they are, in fact, out looking for a job, then so be it! Women who find out they cannot have kids find it fit not to tell their husbands about their misfortune, and who can blame them?

They are scared that the second she does, he will fly out the door so fast her head will spin. Therefore, she will probably fake a pregnancy and then adopt a baby. Okay, maybe this sounds a little extreme but it has happened before.

The point is, much as we feel connected in our relationships, the friendship level wears out. We have to be careful about the way we do things or what we say or how we dressin relationships. With friends, you can just throw on a worn out jersey and still look like a million bucks.

Talking becomes limited because you are both either too tired from work or just not in the mood. The friend you once married will disappear and chances of getting him or her back are slim to none!

Finding a friend for a spouse is great but the challenge is keeping them both. In the end, one of them has to go unless you fight tooth and nail to keep them both!

rachelgaruka@yahoo.co.uk

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