In-laws are relatives got after a marriage. Some people usually say that staying with in-laws is quite tricky because no matter the kind of relationship that you have, if you have to be together for long periods of time, there will always be some kind of conflict.
However it is possible to have more comfortable relations with in-laws because we can’t like everybody, or be liked by everybody: Besides, the love you feel for your spouse or partner doesn’t automatically extend to their mother, father, or siblings.
Whether you like them or not, or they like you or not, it is certainly possible to shape the relationship so that you feel comfortable dealing with them rather than letting them wreck your life.
According to Clare Uwimana, 36 years, staying with in-laws depends on their behavior and on whether they respect your boundaries.
“Sometimes they are really good at making sure they haunt you forever if they are not in good terms with you,” Uwimana said.
On the other hand, she added that, “some people are blessed with having a very good relationship with their in-laws while others can barely tolerate them.”
Jean Marie Nsenga, a 28-year-old taxi driver said that, “staying with his in-laws is important for my children to get to know their uncles, aunties and grandparents.”
However, Patience Uwineza, 32 years begs to differ.
“I have been married for six months and we went to live with my in-laws and they are seriously stressing me yet this is something my husband is not willing to change any time soon,” said Uwineza.
She explained that her husband is afraid that ‘his mother will feel deserted if they left the parental house’. Even though Uwineza’s husband has bought a bigger house, he says they will all live together with his younger brother, mother and father.
“He doesn’t seem to understand that it is damaging our relationship. I feel suffocated and stressed all the time especially when we finally decide to do something together and his mother gives us looks that could kill and remarks on how we are always not serious in whatever we are doing,” she said.
Esperance Mukankusi, 40 years is an entrepreneur who says she actually lived with her in-laws for two years.
“It was weird at first but I got used to it,” she said.
The impossibility of living peacefully with in-laws has always caused conflicts in relationships. Family loyalties and expectations are bound to clash but with good intentions and a bit of tolerance, there is nothing to worry about.