The Battle of Forsaking Bachelorhood

A very long time ago God the Almighty created the first man and woman. He united them and told them to make as many babies as they can. Probably for procreation purposes (to avoid the extinction of the human race). Many years’ later, other reasons for marrying cropped up! People especially in Africa got married to have sex, (Sex before marriage was out of bounds) or to pay off debts, if your parents owed my parent a debt and fail to pay, then they’d give their daughter in compensation. Or if enemy tribes decide to make peace, one enemy tribe would give their girls to the other tribe and vice versa. Dozens of couples these days marry because of various reasons other than love, the most common being ladies getting pregnant during the dating stage. This being an embarrassment on the girl’s part—getting pregnant before her wedding, the couple remains without an alternative but to hurriedly tie the knot. Frank a newly married narrates his ordeal. “I finished my education got a well paying job, built a house, bought nice cars and expected to lay back and live a comfortable life. But I was wrong: I started getting pressure from all sides. First, my mother told me never to visit her again if I didn’t take a fiancée with me, ‘I need a daughter in-law and grand children!’ she commanded. My father would lecture: ‘My son, you are not getting any younger, and marriage is a very important journey from boyhood to manhood. You must take the plunge; it’s the responsibility that makes you a man.’ As if that wasn’t enough, my boss also started bugging me. ‘If you need a loan, or any other help don’t hesitate to ask, remember you’re truly esteemed when you are married.’To find peace I had to marry someone. The recurrent reason given by bachelors and bachelorettes for not getting married is that they failed to get the right partner. They forget that marrying doesn’t only depend on choosing the right partner but by preparing to be one. Dancing to the sweet rhythms of marriage, Mr.Kamanzi who is celebrating his third year in marriage this month revealed. “I was virtually forced to marry, but I have no regrets, my extravagant habits changed, spending nights in bars is now a thing of the past, now I eat healthy, get enough time to rest. Even at work, I am doing great because I no longer live for me; I live for my family,” he said. Among other reasons, some Rwandans find it impossible to tie the knot. The huge responsibility left to them by their parents and relatives who died during the genocide topped the list. Manzi Theodore, a spare part dealer in Gatsata, affirmed that. “My parents perished in the Genocide, I was left with four siblings who I am struggling to raise, and I am their father and brother and guardian. So, bringing a wife amidst them will not only be unfair but also a disaster! You see, we’ve endured a lot together; a wife will seem like an intruder,” Manzi said. Other reasons given especially by ladies, surrounded their freedom and independence! They believe marriage takes away thire freedom. Cathleen a business lady in her mid-thirties has no sweet words for marriage. “I chose to live my life the way I want without someone dictating it for me, The moment you get married, your husband will want to own you, being solo is less stressing. After all I am not hurting anyone by staying single,” she said. A male radio presenter, who preferred anonymity, blamed it on the failed marriages surrounding us. “Dozens of marriages are breaking day and night, and who likes to get embarrassed by marrying today and divorcing tomorrow?” he said. Some men are too scared of commitment and responsibility, they are afraid of women who come into their lives demanding love, time, and affection. “If you want to scare a man off your back, tell him, ‘I love you, I want to marry you, I want to have children with you’ he will excuse himself and that will be the last time you see him!” said Chantal Umwera. Muhangi Christian an artist in his middle forties living in Kacyiru, Kigali is among the new breed bachelors who don’t believe in marriages at all! “Marriage sucks! Guys I am not ready to trade my peace for a nagging or my buddies for in-laws. Before you marry, first be ready to give up your bike for a mini-van, wrestling and soccer matches on TV for soaps,” Muhangi said. People shouldn’t marry simply because society expects them to, or because of the pressure around them. People should marry because they found someone they can’t live without and are both ready not only to tie the matrimonial knot but to also start a family, be there for each other, for better or worse for the rest of their lives. At the end of the day, getting married for the wrong reason and expecting to find happiness is like squeezing a rock to get water. martin.bishop18@yahoo.com