Insights- RELATIONSHIPS: Avoid digging your own grave

Things are moving along with your woman or so you assume. The relationship is heading straight for serious territory and by serious I mean the altar.

Things are moving along with your woman or so you assume. The relationship is heading straight for serious territory and by serious I mean the altar.

Certain topics are beginning to creep into casual conversation; she is curious how much you spend on the weekends watching the English premier league, why your best friend only wears his wedding ring half the time and why you are always on the computer late into the wee hours of the night.

The answers are pretty simple (a few thousand francs; he is cheating; and you’re addicted to the internet) but it’s not always smart to tell her the truth.   

There’s technically no limit to what you can share with your girlfriend, but there are some things that should always be kept a secret.

A female has her own skeletons she should keep hidden in her closet (assuming there’s room) and a guy has to keep his mouth tightly sealed about certain parts of his life.

Where your money goes; Your finances are separate, for now. If you end up taking the plunge you will probably share a bank account.

Until that point, it’s fine if she knows your approximate salary and a few of your monthly bills but she doesn’t need to know where your extra cash goes each month.

She doesn’t have to know how much you spend on activities like hanging out with friends, gadgets or football. It will become an issue when money is tight or when she wants you to start saving for the future. Keep her in the dark about your monthly payments at all costs.

Your weaknesses and fear; Every man has weaknesses. It could be the sight of blood, noises in the dark, fear of showering or the sound of a dentist’s drill.

It’s what makes us human. It’s fine if your woman figures these out on her own, but don’t admit all the things that make you cry like a little boy. You must appear invincible and bullet-proof.

Your friends’ moral shortcomings; It’s expected that couples share all the dirty little secrets about their friends. What you tell one person in a couple, you are really telling both.

This is a bad idea as far as your friends are concerned, especially those you hang out with on a regular basis. Do you think she will be cool with you grabbing drinks with your mate who is cheating on his wife?

Do you think she’ll tell you to have fun on a weekend trip with your university roommate who you told her blacks out when he drinks?  

Don’t let her examine the skeletons in your friends’ closets. It will just cause her to not like them, not trust them, and will make hanging out with them an impossible task. You will have a hard time convincing her that your friend’s vices aren’t rubbing off on you.

Your cheating past; You made mistakes in the past. You cheated on girlfriends and lovers and might have even enjoyed it. Yet, this is a clean slate.

You might mess up again, but then again, why not give yourself the benefit of the doubt? Don’t let her know about past indiscretions.

She will think “once a cheater, always a cheater” and always be second-guessing you. She will accuse you even when you are 100 per cent innocent.

Your ex-girlfriend memorabilia; Guys don’t decorate, or at least not on purpose. Most of the things in your home were purchased by an ex-girlfriend. If they weren’t bought with her money, then she was at least around when you made the purchase.  

There are also some of her old clothes jammed in a drawer, CD and DVDs from her collection and little reminders of her around the place that you just haven’t got around to throwing away.

They don’t mean anything to you anyway. The same can’t be said for your woman.

The moment she finds out that something in your place is connected to an ex-fling she immediately wants that item out of sight, mind and into a large recycling bin. Pretend everything you own is actually yours and not leftovers from past loves.

Your ex-girlfriend memories; Do you need to know every gripe she has with her ex-boyfriend or how they would do the crossword before breakfast?

She doesn’t need to know every detail (good or bad) of your past relationships like she is catching up on an episode of Desperate Housewives.

If something reminds you of an ex-girlfriend, keep that story or memory in your head and don’t let it creep out of your mouth. Your woman will either think you are still hung up on your ex-girlfriend or that she isn’t as much fun. The past is the past.


dedantos2002@yahoo.com

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