Dos and Don’ts of a breakup

Breaking up with someone is a difficult thing to do and in most cases can be stressful for both people in the relationship. The ideal way to go about a break up is to be mindful of your partner’s personality and level of sensitivity. Honesty is the best policy It may seem like an easier option for you to stop correspondence, ignore the person and hope that he/she will eventually get the hint and stop calling or texting you, but that will only come across as cruel and rude. And just imagine the uneasy situation you will be in if you bump into each other in this small city of Kigali. Awkward! The way I see it, it takes two people to begin a relationship and the same should apply when ending it. So if things aren’t working out for you in a relationship, be straight forward about it with your partner and make it clear where you stand. Let your partner ask questions and be sure to answer them as honestly as you can. Lying about why you are breaking it off may seem like an easy way out but it will not be to your benefit because lies have a mysterious way of surfacing eventually. besides, you will save yourself the hassle of covering up one lie with another one. It is so easy to shift the blame on the other person, but this isn’t necessarily fair. This can easily be avoided if you use “I” rather than “you” to begin your statements. After all, you are the one choosing to end the relationship, so say why you want this and not what your partner did or did not do. Choose the moment carefully Spare your partner the embarrassment of breaking up with him/ her in a public place, or in front of friends or family members. Rather choose a place where you can have your privacy to talk out whatever is on your minds. If you want to end it with someone, make sure you do it when you are face to face. Breaking up via email, facebook or through a text message only states that you don’t care about your partner’s feelings; you will only come across as uncaring and heartless. If it is a long distance relationship, you should end it with a phone call. The best way to break up is one which respects your partner’s wishes even after the breakup, therefore accept that your ex will probably need his/her space to “heal” and it could be sometime before he/she develops a normal level of comfort with you, and be your friend. Normally, relationships go through a difficult stage before it ends. Sometimes both parties know that the relationship isn’t going anywhere so when the breakup happens, although it is still sad, it’s not so much of a shock. In other cases one partner is more certain than the other that there is no future together, and for this reason there will be a lot of sorrow to be dealt with. So no matter what your reason for breaking up is, try your best to end on a positive note or at least one that isn’t full of accusations, and remember to be transparent and be as gentle as possible to avoid any further injury while standing your ground for the reasons you have decided to break off the relationship. ms.efuahagan@gmail.com