INSIGHTS : Marriage under pressure

If you have a marriage difficulty, it might be God’s opportunity to get through to you. We often cannot control our emotions without His help. He made us need Him, and He likes our company. God is closer than you may think, too; He is only a prayer away. I thought marriage would be a breeze, living with the person I love all the time, sex without worries and guilt. No one mentioned the downside.

If you have a marriage difficulty, it might be God’s opportunity to get through to you. We often cannot control our emotions without His help.

He made us need Him, and He likes our company. God is closer than you may think, too; He is only a prayer away. I thought marriage would be a breeze, living with the person I love all the time, sex without worries and guilt. No one mentioned the downside.

Ernest Hemingway was a brilliant writer, but he said, “Life is just a dirty trick, a journey from nothingness to nothingness.”

He married four times, became an alcoholic and committed suicide. Lots of people find their love has run out. Their emotions have changed. The effort just doesn’t feel worth it.

Do marriages feel like this? Probably, at some time. Do we just change to a newer model spouse? Hemingway did. But there is another way- Here are six pointers to a good marriage; see how your marriage could be spiced up or if you are not married yet, see if this would work for you.

1. Marry your best friend, and stay best friends: Work at it. Spend enough time with each other. Talk to each other, even when it is an effort.

Say something nice to each other everyday, especially ‘I love you’. Pay compliments. Most people are surprised at the changes they have to make, for marriage to work.

2. Be careful what you say; words can hurt: Disagree without being disagreeable! Be respectful and kind to your partner.

You don’t know how they are feeling inside. Listen! (Which means stop talking while you do!).  Don’t sulk or withdraw. Say sorry to each other. Is your encouragement needed, or help with money worries or children?

3. Fire burns! Beware of opposite sex friendships: The other man’s grass often looks greener, but it still needs mowing! More second marriages break up than the first, and third than second.

Your own grass can be greener if it is watered! Think back to why you were keen to get married. What things can you do to restore the friendship?

4. Making love together is very good for you! But, the friendship must be restored first. Say sorry. Forgive your spouse.

Don’t hurry love. Discuss it. Most people crave intimacy. Don’t be selfish. Don’t be shy. There is an emotional VIAGRA- Very Intimate Attention Gives Rising Affection!

5. Think what life-long marriage gives you: Your children (and grandchildren!) will be glad you stay together, and will learn from you.

Marriage can stop you being lonely in old age. You will always be glad you tried your best in your marriage.

6. Ask for help sooner rather than later: Often another person can be a referee in our difficulties. A trusted friend or couple, a Church Minister, or Marriage Counselor can help you each see things you may not by yourselves.

Or they may just help you speak to each other politely for a while and say what you really feel without interruption. Many people have found that God can help too.

A happy Valentines Day!

danbella2001@yahoo.com

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