The Five Love Languages

Every human being has a specific way of expressing their love towards others; it could be among friends, siblings, spouses, children or work colleagues. At this point of contact where people love and feel loved, they stop hurting each other because they have learnt to understand and speak the different love languages. Dr. Gary Chapman, a Christian counselor and author of ‘The Five Love Languages’ spent enormous time researching people relationships and behavior and has written five books that talk about the importance of being able to express love to others in a way that they can understand.

Every human being has a specific way of expressing their love towards others; it could be among friends, siblings, spouses, children or work colleagues.

At this point of contact where people love and feel loved, they stop hurting each other because they have learnt to understand and speak the different love languages.    

Dr. Gary Chapman, a Christian counselor and author of ‘The Five Love Languages’ spent enormous time researching people relationships and behavior and has written five books that talk about the importance of being able to express love to others in a way that they can understand.

He categorized them into; Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Physical Touch, Gifts and Acts of Service. These are applied differently among Spouses, Singles, Teenagers and Children. Dr. Chapman also expounds on Apology as a way of experiencing healing in all these relationships.   

As valentines approaches, briefly focusing on the five love languages for partners, whether married or dating is necessary.

1.  Words of Affirmation

This is when you say how nice your spouse looks, or how great the dinner tasted. These words will also build your companion’s self image and confidence.

2. Quality Time

Some couples believe that being together, doing things together and focusing on one another is the best way to show love. If this is your partner’s love language, turn off the TV and give one another some undivided attention.

3. Physical Touch

For people whose love language is Physical Touch will not need an excessive mumble jumble of words splattering all over them. Simple actions like just holding hands, stroking your partner’s back, a hug or a peck on the cheek are enough to make someone feel really loved.

4 Gifts

Giving gifts is a universal concept that has existed in all human cultures. Gifts don’t have to be expensive to send a powerful message of love. Partners who forget a birthday or anniversary or who never give gifts to someone who truly enjoys gift giving will find themselves with a spouse who feels neglected and unloved.

5 Acts of Service

Discovering what and how you can best do something for your loved one will require time and creativity. These acts of service like cleaning up, giving a helping hand with groceries, pulling out a chair for her, and generally getting things done are what matter.

Remember that these need to be done with joy in order to be perceived as sincere and a gift of love.

What the Dr. says

Determine your Love Language

Since you may be speaking what you need, you can discover your own love language by asking yourself these questions:

•How do I express love to others?
•What do I complain about the most?
•What do I request most often?

In his book, Dr. Chapman says, “We’re not talking comfort. We’re talking love. Love is something we do for someone else. So often couples love one another but they aren’t connecting.

They are sincere, but sincerity isn’t enough.”
Speaking in your partner’s love language probably won’t come naturally for you.

Thin line between falling in love and insanity
Dr. Chapman says that, the number one emotional experience reported by people is ‘Feeling the presence of God’ in their lives.

The second highest emotional high is ‘Being in love’, this generally lasts around 2 years.

That is why it can be so difficult to try and talk some sense into someone who is in the midst of falling in love. Chapman stated that obsessive love can render people mentally incompetent. “There’s not much difference between being in love and being insane.”

Fading Tingle and Empty Love Tanks

After the first or second year of marriage, when the initial “tingle” begins fading, many couples find that their “love tanks” are empty. Possibly they were expressing love for their spouse, but in reality they may have been speaking a different love language.

The best way to fill your partner’s love tank is to express love in their love language.

Each individual has a primary love language and usually, couples don’t have the same love language.

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