Auntie’s corner

Dear Aunt Silvia, My girlfriend of seven years is breaking up with me.  I asked her what has made her change her mind after being together for seven years.

Dear Aunt Silvia,

My girlfriend of seven years is breaking up with me.  I asked her what has made her change her mind after being together for seven years.  Her reply was that she grew out of love with me. Is it possible really for someone to fall out of love after being in a relationship for a long time or she might have met someone new and he is confusing her?


Dear Derek,

Sometimes when you have a relationship with someone and they do not seem to commit themselves, then we are bound to think that they are not serious. There is no way you can tell me that you are serious with this relationship now? How does it take you seven years to realise that this was the woman of your dreams?   I must commend this girl with her patience!

Derek, no woman today can wait for a man to make up his mind for seven years; seven years is a lifetime my dear.  Do you know that women get older quickly than men? I am sure your girlfriend woke up from the dream of ever bein married to you and realised that her clock was ticking- and ticking really fast; and since you showed no interest in committing yourself- she looked for greener pastures; remember that the grass is always greener on the other side, so I guess this was the case with your girlfriend.

Like many other men, you have taken your girlfriend for granted for a long time and she has decided to take a hike and go to a person who seems to be caring and loving, and maybe even promising in terms of lifetime commitment. Many a times we do not know the value of what we have, until we lose it.

When people fall in love, they do so for a number of reasons. For some people it is because they are lonely, and they have been longing to meet someone that they can talk to and spend time with at an intimate level. Even though they might have friends, they feel their life is incomplete until they meet that someone. And once they meet that someone, they discover that they really didn’t need that person. They realize that they can stand up on their own. What they were looking for, they already had. They just never realized that. Thus they fell in love for the wrong reason and once that reason is fulfilled, they fall out of love.

It is also very easy nowadays to fall in lust and mistake that for being in love. And once that lusting desire is over, we fall out of love.

Most people, who fall in love due to chemistry and not commitment, are the ones that end up being in love with so many different people time after time. As soon as the chemistry goes, they fallout of love and move on to the next person they have chemistry with. But I want to interpret your girlfriend’s differently considering the fact that you were together for seven years, until when she decided she has had enough of waiting.

As much as you want to cry now, you are the only one to blame. This girl is leaving you because she thinks your lack of commitment is because you weren’t in love with her in the first place. That is why she has waited forever to get your commitment, which never came forth anyway. The idea of being in love always seems magical but it takes two to tango and hard work. You have to keep appreciating your partner; women are fragile-they need to be reminded every now and then about your love for them, but at the end of it-she wants a ring on her finger. Even the famous Beyonce told her longtime beau Jay-Z that for as long as there is no ring on her, she considered herself single and searching; Jay-Z took the cue, proposed and married her right away! Ask any girl- apart from the ones who have given their lives to serve God, all other girls always dream of a fairy tale wedding.

If your girlfriend has refused to talk to you, may be because she is too angry to consider opening herself up to you again. She is afraid that if she lets her guard down or worse yet, fall back in love, you will take her for granted again. Deep down she doesn’t believe that you can change, that is why she is rejecting any possible meetings with you. 

If you ask me, it looks like this girl has already made up her mind that you are not the right person for her, she needs a ring on her finger, pronto! If you are ready to commit, I advise you buy a ring and go and slip it on her finger to show how serious you are, but if you are going to pledge your loyalty with empty words, then do not as much as embarrass yourself  by going after her.