Dear Aunt Silvia,
I am a young married lady and a mother of two. When I got married three years ago, I had a very good job but my husband forced me to resign from it.
Two years down the line, he cannot afford to fully support the whole family with his meager salary. Everytime I bring up the subject of getting a job he dismisses me. What do I do?
In any relationship that one enters there has to be some kind of understanding between the involved parties. If you entered the union with your husband and he told you that you have to resign form your job and be a housewife and you agreed to it, then why are you complaining now?
These are issues that needed to have been addressed first thing before you committed yourself in this relationship. You need not have said yes just because you risked not walking down the aisle.
You should always make your own decisions and not rely on anyone to make life decisions for you. Usually when two adults of sound mind meet; each one informs the other about their likes and dislikes, and what they can do and what they cannot.
The best way to deal with this issue is to have a dialogue with your spouse, let him know how you feel about him not being able to fully support you and the family and that you feel that you should ease his burden.
He also has to know that your family cannot survive from hand to mouth. You have children and so a lot of things have to be put into consideration. You need to save for their education, health and future.
If his salary is barely enough to sustain the whole family, then it’s time he loosened up for the sake of his family. You have to assure him of your love and support throughout, he is not a confident man- that is why he does not want you out of the house- so reassurance is very important here.
If you want a better life for your children and yourself it has to start with you now with a change. Be very careful and choose your words correctly otherwise your spouse might misinterpret your intentions.
In the meantime get started and start looking for a job. Go girl don’t waste yourself for the sake of pleasing anyone, it takes two to tango!