IMPRESSIONS: My Amazing Chinese Blackberry

Somebody made a joke and said that by creating the Chinese, God could not really carry on making miracles through Jesus.

Somebody made a joke and said that by creating the Chinese, God could not really carry on making miracles through Jesus.

JC (read Jesus Christ) got tired of single handedly doing miracles for over 5bn faithful’s all over the world, God relieved him of his duties and passed them over to the Chinese, after all they are equally many, meaning that they could do miracles to as many people as possible, at any one time.

So that’s how the Chinese miracle started. Life has never been the same again. Through these fellows from East Asia, everyone’s miracle can come through.

Dreams have become a reality, if your dream was a cool phone, the Chinese will make it come true and guess what? At a very pocket friendly cost.

Fancy T-shirts, Sneakers, Designer tops for ladies, Denim Jeans, cool high heels, toiletries, designer handbags, electronics which were all dreams for many of us can now be accessed, just like that.

Make sure you have some quick change, take a walk downtown and you will get your ideal Nokia E7 Phone, the cool iPhone and all sorts of gadgets you could only dream of will be waiting. Hip designs with initials like 50Cents, Nas, Snoop Dogg and cool Airforce One Canvas are all available.

So of all these, my dream was to own a Blackberry (I hope you all know what I am talking about, a Blackberry, this phone which surfs the net, alerts you when an email comes in and I hear it has an air conditioner and a Swine flu detector, based on a true rumour).

With my meagre salary (it’s always spent before I earn it and am not soliciting for a pay rise), a Blackberry could only surface in my wildest dreams.

As luck would have it, the Chinese answered my Prayers, am now a proud owner of a Chinese Blackberry (Every time I tell my friends that it’s a Chinese Blackberry they laugh it off, until they try sending me something on Bluetooth, that’s when it dawns on them that indeed it is).

Quite Amazing is this machine, well, what can I say? It has Bluetooth, meaning that I upload lots of stuff, music, videos, and pictures from other phones.

It has a memory of about 1GB and it has this huge LCD screen (I don’t have to own a TV).

It browses the web and it can act as an alternative music system at a village wedding just in case the radio cassette runs out of batteries.

Of course one make and receive calls, send text messages and beep when short of credit. It’s very reliable and user friendly. I am lovin’ it.

But not all is rosy, even roses have thorns, so they say. They had told me, never to trust Chinese (no pun intended) and their products but I was very defiant, arguing that on a good day, these fellows do the best of the job and on a bad one (type in).

They could give you the most genuine of products and the direct opposite of the same. Well, I wasn’t that lucky, my Chinese Blackberry is not that original. In fact, it is threatening to kill me sooner than I might think.

Lately it has turned against me, it is behaving in an ill manner and that’s the last thing I expected, after all this much I have invested in it. I would expect it to be as loyal as I have been to it.

It has now started rejecting charging, yet when it charges, the battery can’t last a day. It is threatening to divorce its second charger; it parted ways with the first one, now the second one is on the verge of being thrown out.

For it to charge, I have to insert it in (the charger, don’t get me wrong) delicately and carefully. Once it starts charging, no one is supposed to pass near the phone. Keeping a distance of a metre at least is advisable. When you shake it a little bit, that marks the end of the story.

The other day, I inserted the charger and it showed me something like ‘Charger has touched the wrong points”, before I could finish reading, the damn thing was puffing out a huge fume of smoke (maybe it was fuming in anger).

I hastily unplugged the charger, run away because I knew the next thing was a heavy explosion.

I waited, it never went off, I checked the phone, and surprisingly it was in good shape. I inserted the charger, it charged. One time it just decided to give off a sound of a motor engine when I was talking and I was like “this is the end of the story, I need a real Blackberry”.