A stone throw away to the second best card-sending day, Valentine’s Day; one can not help but ponder the small things to do for a lover which will always depend on the sender’s capacity to meet the costs, and the receiver’s tastes or interests.
Through technology, distant lovers exchange pictures, e-cards and designed floral bouquets. What better picture can a loved one send other than her or his own while tussling it out in the kitchen and having dinner alone while watching television operas?
Classic examples are men who work hard to make sure their families live comfortably. They wake up early for work and come back home so worn out to have a meaningful conversation with anyone. All they desire is supper and sleep.
This causes tension in homes when children can not talk to their Dads, and wives act as if their husbands are not around. Truly, this is where men go wrong; not knowing that it is simple things like communication, however exhausted one may be, that count.
According to John Gray, author of “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”, a man thinks he scores high with a woman when he does something big for her; buying her a car or house.
“He assumes that he scores less when he does something small, like open a car door or give a hug… Man does not realize that to a woman, little things are just as important as the big ones and at times, matter more.”
But what really matters to women?
- Calling your fiancé while at work to ask how she is faring or simply mentioning that you love her would sound good enough to make her day meaningful.
- Taking her aside when upset with someone in public reinforces the fact that you are proud of her.
- Carrying her picture in your wallet makes her know she is the only one. Who would dare open his wallet with a different picture while dating another lady?
- Making an effort to watch over her moods changing and comment on them even in public. This would mean that you are always attentive to her no matter where you are or what you are doing.
“It is enough for my boy friend to just hold my hand. He does not even have to say anything, this simple gesture says a lot about how he feels”, says Solange, a student at Kigali Institute of Science and Technology.
She also adds that, “Some men think for women to pay attention to them, they must have a lot of money and drive a posh car. Yes, money is important, but if the rich guy does not make you feel loved, then he is not worth it”.
However, it is not all about men. Women too have a role to play if they want to be in such a relationship. There is need for women to encourage men; for example by revealing their areas of interest which could give men support, thus gradually learning to value the little things that really matter.
It is an undisputed fact that for a relationship to grow, it needs a lot of work on these small things that count more than the expected big surprises. It does not mean working around the clock to achieve, but rather putting into practice small things you earlier thought did not matter.