…still think it is fashionable to beat their wives. If you have not yet heard about gender equality then you need an address six feet below. Wife beating is not African or macho, it is stupidity and criminal. If you do not stop, I will be forced to beat you up my self before taking you to the police. This is the mother of your children and I know you would not want anyone beating your mother.
…eat while walking along the streets. Unlike Barack Obama, The Hater is pure African. In this part of the world, food is always in plenty and we also tend to have a lot of time on our hands. It is not African at all to walk along the streets while eating. All you have to do is to find a place to sit, do your thing, and then get back on your feet.
For now you can move while chewing gum but this makes you look like a goat chewing cud and I am still lobbying parliament to ban these lousy things.
…answer other people’s personal mobile phones. Unless you have been delegated, it is very annoying for you to answer another person’s mobile phone call.
I expect to speak to Mr. or Mrs. X not the new, unpaid, unsolicited, and nosy ‘receptionist’. It is possible to see missed calls and call back so do not pretend to be an answering machine.
…enter taxis while sweating. I need to type this fast before I vomit all over my keyboard because it is quite disgusting. Take a few minutes and cool off before you join other decent Africans in the taxi.
The fact that four people share a row in Kigali commuter taxis calls for a high level of hygiene since there is a lot of body contact.
…will not be reading this column next year. Yes I am going to hate you in advance. This is the most ballistic spot in the whole newspaper and if you intend to stop reading it simply because 2009 is knocking, then I will pay you a visit one of these nights with a big stick.
The best resolution you can have for next year is to religiously read this column every Sunday. Do not hate though, I am the only one with the qualifications for this job.
I will not stop hating until you all change. Let me help you hate by sending your suggestions to firstname.lastname@example.org