Times gone by, as crazy as it sounds, wife beatings was one of the surest ways to prove a man’s love to the subject of his affection. Today, just as one conjures up the idea of raising his hand to lay it on a woman, however lightly, the long arm of the law catches up with you.
The big idea being that even the thought of exploiting the physical vulnerability of what used to be the weaker sex cannot be tolerated by law anymore.
And that is just not the bad news for any of you who think the easy way of dominating a woman is through the age-old use of masochist force. Apparently the Kenyan women have got one up on their husbands.
They are no longer the weaker sex and have many ways of showing the newfound chick power. Days yonder, chick power was the subtle things that a woman made a man do for her by the simple force of reluctant coercion.
There was no brutal force, but they cajoled, and insinuated their demands, vaguely dressing them as needs of a vulnerable one and empowering their men to ‘help’ their damsels in distress.
Chick power was and is still is a woman’s chief tool of reverse psychology in relationships - woe to the man who cannot decipher nor use reverse psychology themselves. Ask the old men why their wives loved to be beaten by their husbands?
Though try it today at your own risk. There are new ways.
Kenyan women have not only learnt to play the sex card, with a sex boycott against the predominantly male political machinery but now know how to get a fellow who fails to put the daily bread on the table, especially if it is in favour of such important activities like promoting the national lager.
A recent research has found that 48% of Kenyan men are victims of domestic abuse. Kenyan men for all their masochism, apparently fold like a leaf in the presence of Eve or risk getting beaten. This marks a new turn in the famed battle of the sexes.
If women still hold the old chick power sway over men, the kind that Delilah commandeered over Samson, of Eve on Adam, and the one the hot girl next door uses to control all the lustful but powerful and wealthy men in your neighbourhood?
Then suddenly they add to their arsenal of tricks, a good battering and you know that the centuries old battle of sexes is effectively won by guess who – the fairer sex.
For Kenyan men, I am not sure if it is still legible to call them fairer, unless we mean the fairness of even-handedness as opposed to the fairness that used to be.
Of course they would not want to mouth the phrase, “the weaker sex” in the earshot of a woman. We now know the potential repercussions.
Funny enough, the battering is apparently the worst in Kenya’s central province, where 72% of men reported abuse from their spouse. I do not know if it has to do with the old Kikuyu folklore of how Kikuyu women ruled over men?
I do not even want to suppose. I pray that Rwandan women do not learn from their Kenyan counterparts, especially for the sake of those of you men who have often passed down the opportunity to visit the gym.
Otherwise, I wish you a spouse-affectionate, no-beatings-either-way Sunday.