Humour: Diaspoman: How ignorance caused us great embarrassment

During the mid 90s, Aggrey and I had this terrible habit of inviting ourselves to Kigali mega wedding, birthday, baptism, Graduation and cocktail parties.

During the mid 90s, Aggrey and I had this terrible habit of inviting ourselves to Kigali mega wedding, birthday, baptism, Graduation and cocktail parties.

We used to go for such great entertainment places with the sole objective of filling our tummies with frothy looking drinks manufactured all the way from Bralirwa.

Occasionally, we also fluked such parties in search for exotic food. Besides, Aggrey and I had got used to our staple meals at home – rice and peas!

So, it was always nice whenever we found ourselves queuing for the nice nosh at the buffet corner. It was from there that we really loaded our plates with huge chunks of meat.

Anyways, we continued to enjoy this lifestyle until one infamous evening when our silly little scheme was unearthed at a very high profile party.

At this particular function, there was a shocking experience and surprise for us. The evening was slated for a surprise birthday party for a certain visitor who had come from Switzerland.

She had been invited by her closest friends for a cocktail party somewhere in one of Kiyovu mansions. And it appeared that she had been told that the function was to commemorate a certain unknown public holiday in Rwanda.

The truth of the matter is that her closest friends had arranged for a surprise birthday party before she could return to Europe.

As always, Aggrey and I thought that we were fluking yet another party. So long as we were smartly dressed in suits and neckties, the guards at the gates would just let us in.

Such parties were normally a case of socializing, dancing, dining, wining and guzzling several liters of booze. What we did not know this time around was that every member at the party would stand up and give a speech about the dear Visitor and main celebrant of the day.

So, as midnight approached, the lights in the garden were dimmed and the music volume was reduced. Then the MC made an announcement. He was directing his words towards the visitor.

He told her that there was an urgent message waiting for her in the house. As soon as she entered the sitting room, a huge crowd of friends called out her name followed by “Happy Birthday!!” She almost fainted.

The birthday cake was then brought to her. She was already in tears as she sliced the cake. Everybody was gathered in the sitting room. That included Aggrey and I of course!

Time for speeches approached and the MC informed us that since all of us were very dear friends to the visitor, we had to say something. In particular everybody had to give a short story entitled “How I first met you” Everyone cheered and clapped! What a great idea!

But as everyone was working out their speeches, Aggrey and I were obviously in a very serious fix. What would we say about this lady? We were total strangers!

Then we quickly agreed that we would first listen to the speeches from the other people around. Indeed, their speeches would give us a clue about who this lady was, where she came from, where she worked, what were her favorite meals and so on.

As we started to prepare our ears to listen carefully, the most unpleasant thing happened to us. Yes, the MC was pointing a finger at Aggrey.

He was saying the following words; “We begin with you sir, please tell us how and when you first met our dear friend and share with us how her life has touched you” From where I was standing, I could see drops of sweat dropping down Aggrey’s face. He was quickly turning pale!

Then instead of opening his mouth to talk, he just pointed a finger at me. It’s as if he was telling the MC that I was the friend of this visitor and that Aggrey had just escorted me to this mega party. By this time, the visitor smelt a rat.
 She whispered to the MC informing him that she had never seen nor heard of us before.

“In fact, I thought that they were your friends” The MC just looked on. He asked everybody around “Does anybody know these two guys” The answer was crystal clear; nobody knew us!

“Then where have you come from? What are you doing at this party? Who invited you? You are the Kigali gate crashers who attend parties to steal wallets from people. Someone call the Police now!”

Things had become monkey for us. From then onwards, we vowed not to gate crash any party without first making some small market research about it…