The thin line between best friends falling in love

This is a subject, I have for long dreaded to approach since many people have different arguments, and very strong ones at that. Arguments that are backed by real life examples, nonetheless, I have decided to give it a try and make my contribution.
There are many reasons why best friends become lovers (Internet Photo)
There are many reasons why best friends become lovers (Internet Photo)

This is a subject, I have for long dreaded to approach since many people have different arguments, and very strong ones at that. Arguments that are backed by real life examples, nonetheless, I have decided to give it a try and make my contribution. Besides, everyone is entitled to his/her opinion.

Most people argue that the very nature of true friendship which is a deep and resounding commitment to love someone unconditionally, could lay the groundwork for either a hot and heavy romance or an everlasting love.
But what happens when the two best friends decide to try their own love and romance?

This wasn’t easy for me to determine considering the fact that I’ve never been there or a friend my friend with whom I was having the conversation with. Her arguments were convincing enough and they based on what she thinks not what she feels. None was willing to talk freely, since I had told them that I write for a Rwandan newspaper; by chance I came across people who after much discussion, accepted. They revealed what happened when they crossed that line from friendship to relationship with their best friend.

Rose and Remmy

Rose, a lively woman as am told by Remmy likes to be happy but on this day, she has a handkerchief in her hands and she’s sobbing. Rose isn’t sad, or going through some emotional pain, instead, they are tears of joy. “I never knew that I’d be in love like this, this is insane,” she says.
Rose’s love, an architect with a top firm Remmy, is very, much in love, too. He says that loving his best friend comes naturally.

 “The fact that we’re together in this way is so complete already that it’s not that mesmerizing,” he says. “And each day we become more and more used to it. But there are times when it just hits us and we say, ‘Wow! We go together.”

In her 3rd year at University, Rose was quite a lively lady, and was looking for a partner in crime. She found one in her classmates Remmy.

“She came over and sat next to me in the University canteen having my lunch, and there was an instant connection considering that she is goofy at times which is well with them,” Remmy laughs.

“From the beginning we meant to be, and that’s the way we’ve always been together two knuckleheads.”

Last year after they graduated, the best friends fell seriously in love. Rose admits that she always found Remmy attractive and that she used to be jealous of his girlfriends, but says that she never thought of crossing the line from friendship to romance.

“In our first year at campus, she looked goofy,” Remmy recalls. “But once we became mature, I was like, ‘Oh my God, she’s fine!’ but it was still in the sense of that’s my sister, that’s my best friend ...”

As time passed, Remmy became her best friend. “Our relationship has been through so much that I’ve been her girlfriend, her mom, her dad, and she’s been all of those other things to me at different times,” Remmy says. “I can’t even describe it or compare this to something else because I’ve never experienced this before.”

One day, during sharing a cup of tea in Rose’s room, Remmy looked at Rose and realized that he was in love with her.

“Suddenly I saw this woman in another way,” he recalls. “She was beautiful and tender at the same time, and I became so attached to her.”

Rose says she has always looked for a man just like Remmy. “He’s so fine, and he used to treat his girlfriends so well,” she says. “I always said that I wanted that in a man.”

Making the transition from friend-to-lover doesn’t come without its growing pains, according to Rose, who admits that a major obstacle to making your best friend your man is that he knows everything about you.

“He’s been my best friend; he knows all of my secrets, every last one of them,” Rose says. “But here is the beauty of us: I still tell him my secrets. I tell as my best friend, my boyfriend and my husband.”

Michael and Enid

When Michael and Enid first met, it was strictly for business purposes, little did they know that there’s an option of mixing business with pleasure. With their 3 year old daughter now, there’s love between the two young parents, but not the romantic kind. Michael and Enid were friends who became lovers, they co-habited together, then became ex-lovers and are now supporting parents to each other.

Enid has this to say, “Michael approached me about a marketing deal,” Enid says. “I went to his office and we drafted a couple of ideas to use in an advertisement he was working on. I had just broken up with my ex-boyfriend, so I didn’t want anyone to disturb me. Considering that she’s a top marketing manger, she wanted to concentrate on her career.

Michael agrees that even though he did not approach Enid for a relationship, he was still very much attracted to her. “I was a little nervous about approaching her; she’s a very beautiful woman, not to mention a star at what she does,” he says. “So the nervousness was there.”

Enid says Michael managed to impress her with thoughtfulness, intelligence, smartness and his kind heart. Whenever they had time to relax after working on a deal, they would talk!

Michael is the kind who always wants to know about people and how they fair in life. “As we continued working together, I became attracted to him,” Enid says. One day, after a long day at his office, I told him I was tired and wanted to go home since it was even late. Michael, stood there in front me, handed me my bag, jacket, and the way he was doing things I could feel a strong bond growing between us.

Their relationship was moving at break-neck speed with a mixture of good times together and some bad times. It was after four years that Michael and Enid trashed what they had built.

Their mutual separation was one of hooking up to make-up casually and in the process, 3 years old Katrina was born
After the separation, there were regrets.

“I got pregnant after we broke up,” Enid says. “So I had regrets, but now all I can see is the outcome, and the outcome is a beautiful daughter who has made me feel so important for the first time.”

The shift from friends to lovers, and then from ex-lovers to supporting parents, was challenging according to Enid, who had to learn to accept her new role in Michael’s life.

“Michael is my friend, but he’s also my baby’s father, and our child comes first,” she says. “We have to maintain a great relationship so that our child won’t grow up with any bad feelings or any hostility towards either parent. And our friendship is so tight and so real that we wouldn’t allow our separation to stop such a great thing.”

Now, after being told the above stories, I got a clear picture of what transpires. So, are these happy endings the rule of thumb for friends who cross that line? Or are these couples that are an exception to the rule?

If you want to have a lasting, meaningful relationship, it’s best that you’re involved with a lover who is also your best friend.

To be best friends with your spouse is definitely an excellent goal. People should understand what it means to be a best friend and how we sustain being best friends in a marriage. Friendship needs to be nurtured in ways that many married couples fail to realize, until their friendship is gone.

More importantly, if you love your best friend, should you cross the line? There’s always risk. But if you’re willing to look for love with a person who you didn’t know initially, you might as well try it with your best friend.

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