RELATIONSHIPS : When she makes the first move

Women have proved to their male counterparts that there’s a lot they can do better, but when it comes to dating, most women shy away from being the initiators, and they rather drive the women’s movement wagon ten years back than making that first move.

Women have proved to their male counterparts that there’s a lot they can do better, but when it comes to dating, most women shy away from being the initiators, and they rather drive the women’s movement wagon ten years back than making that first move.

Among various reasons why women dread to initiate the dating game, is because they are ‘wise’! They know that he who reveals his feelings too early in a relationship or shows interest becomes defenseless; the one on the receiving end can make or break the initiators endeavors. 

Be it on purpose or not, women are expected to be on the receiving end. Another reason is that women want to be pursued and admired, that’s why even the strongest, miss independent dissolves when it comes to making the first move.

Tradition also has a lot to do with it, men are the ones supposed to do the hunting, traditionally women are not supposed to make the first move, it’s a ‘man thing’ that’s why women don’t feel comfortable doing it.

These fear factors and old traditions prevent some women from having a meaningful relationship with people they feel chemistry with.

But now there’s a new class of women who are self- assured, smart and assertive, they don’t fear to make the first move because they are emotionally literate and can label their feelings

Women say

“Its all about self-assurance and maturity”, says Cathy 26 a graphic designer, “when I see some dude, I feel connected and attracted to , I don’t let the chance pass me by, sometimes you find the guy is married, but at least it puts your mind to rest other than hanging back in the obscurity.” 

“I do make the first move whenever I feel like, why not?” says Odette  a second year student of Mburabuturo School of Finance and Banking, “Gone are the days when ladies used to sit back home and wait for  guys to call and take them out.”

“When a girl makes that first move, it doesn’t mean she’s desperate or she’s searching for a man, sometimes girls just want to have some fun, if I see a fine brother in a joint, or on the dance floor and feel like joining him, I see no restriction, by the way what’s wrong with trying to know a guy a little bit better? Asks Maggie Rwantare, 24.

Men’s perspective

Generally how do men perceive the new age woman? Do they see her as confident and intriguing or dominant and aggressive?

“There’s nothing wrong with a woman walking straight to me and saying “hey would you  like to go out with me?” says  Edward Mukama ,32, an engineer. “If am interested, I will even give her an additional credit for her elegance and straight forward attitude! If am not available I will try to enlighten and make my ‘NO’ less disappointing, am a man I know how hurting a rejection can be.”

“I see her as confident, emotionally liberated and a treasure to a man who is equally modern, says Alex Mugarura a technician, “I think of her as a go-getter, she sees what she wants and goes for it, I perceive her positively.”

“It’s not a new thing”, says Davis 30 a physician, “for centuries women made the first move, women who had everything! Ever heard of Cleopatra, Mae West or Catherine the great? Most of us men, feel flattered and charmed when a striking, confident lady walks up to us and  asks us  out or offers to buy me us drink, It is morale boosting and so refreshing, but can be totally uncomforting if she makes sexual suggestions.

“It’s really ok if a lady walks up to me and suggests we spend the evening together, but will get really uncomfortable when she starts throwing sexual signs, signs  that she wants to go to bed with me”, says Gerald 27 a lawyer ,and “if she’s hooked on this sort of crap the answer will be a cold No.”

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