LIVING LIFE : Robbed and Happy

I have great admiration for people who display utmost finesse in anything – be it an art, a profession, a skill or even a hobby. Last week, the list became longer. On Tuesday morning some intelligent chaps made a fool of some of my kin and me (thank God, it was Kampala) when they ‘broke’ into the house and made off with valuables, right under our noses. In a scene that is perhaps made for the movies, thieves had made it a habit to rob the neighbourhood, house by house, night after night, like there was a timetable, when everybody is deep asleep when they make away with everything including, any leftovers of food, shoes and even chairs. So apparently, our turn had come.The previous day the housekeeper, a relative, had persistently complained to the owner of the house about changing of locks since he had already foiled two break-ins already. On the fateful night, we go to sleep and in the wee hours of the morning the fellows tiptoe up to the house, open the locks without a sound, ‘sweep’ the sitting room of all electronics and of all the bedrooms only one is wide open. A certain long chap is sleeping away, his travelling bag and wallet next to him. I envision the fellow tiptoeing, picking the bag and wallet in one instance, tiptoeing back outside and ransacking the contents, throwing the useful things aside, the useless ones tossed away. One hour later, we wake up to wide open door, electronics and a certain travelling bag gone with the wind. The long chap certainly exclaims, “People, my passport!” on close scrutiny, a pile of books, a diary and what looks like that valued travel document unveil themselves. That dreamy chap happens to be yours truly, and if you think am mourning the loss of whatever, sorry for you. I could never be happier. First, these guys for all their sins are pure geniuses – take what you need more and leave what he needs more. Of course am poorer, my wallet and its contents, but more so because my new ATM card and the pin-code which were in the wallet fell into the ‘wrong’ hands and behold, by half past six in the morning, some fellow was singing all the way from the bank, at an ATM machine twenty kilometres from the scene of crime. The question remains however if the laughable act was the scene of the rather too sleepy chap’s lack of sixth sense or was it the witty abilities of the fellow who tiptoes his way into my wallet and my excitement. I would not like to think the earlier is true. Look I am not really a fool, but well the circumstances say something different. Don’t they? Thing is, these sharp fellows thought it pertinent to throw my invaluable travel document ‘away’ so that I could conveniently locate it. The word on the grapevine is that actually that was a familiarization tour, so that next time they visit they relieve you of even the plates and forks. One funny neighbour therefore told me not to be so happy. “The guys thought, let’s leave this guy the passport so that next time, he can bring another wallet…..It is like investing in the future!” But who is fooling who, really, the intelligent thief or the foolish sleepy chap? That, I will let you decide. Otherwise, I wish you a theft–free Sunday. kelviod@yahoo.com