Relationships: How to deal with a rejection

Rejection is everyone’s greatest fear! Most of us grew up believing we were only worthy if people liked us and cared for us. If people disliked us then we were worthless. We learned to measure our self-worth based on our acceptance and as a result we give other people the key to our moods. Many guys have gone through more than a few rejections. The sensible ones perceive rejection as a learning experience, they don’t dwell on the loose, but think and try to figure out how to pick the pieces up and live again! Rejections come in many forms; it can be your girlfriend telling you she doesn’t want to see you again, a new lady you were trying to hook-up, a partner being unfaithful, a fiancée calling off a relationship. No matter what the situation, when you are on the receiving end of rejection the pain is inescapable. Five months after a rejection, Nelson Kamanzi is still nursing a bruised heart, “I’ve heard of a thing called ‘rejection’ many times but I never gave it much consideration till it happened to me.” “I met Enid on a bus. We were both coming back from x-mas holidays. To me it was love at first sight. We exchanged phone numbers, and promised to call each other. I couldn’t wait to hear her musical voice again. At first she used to pick my calls but answer coldly. Then the days that followed she refused to pick my calls. One day I used another line she didn’t know and asked her why she doesn’t want to talk to me. She unemotionally told me she is not interested in me or what I have to say. It’s now months but I never fully recovered,” he confided. Many men face rejection everyday but only a handful knows how to deal with it. The way we handle rejections is important in helping us keep our esteem and dignity and also speedup or delay the healing process. The way we handle rejection differs from man to man, some go crazy, smash things, others drink themselves silly, and others go as far as trying to commit suicide. No matter who we are or how we react, being rejected hurts and bruises our self-esteem! For most people the intuitive reaction to rejection is to withdraw into their burrow and hide away from the world. First they dangle on denial, ‘this can’t be happening, sure she’s going to call, I know she will be back’, they keep telling themselves. Allen Jackson the award winning author of ‘Rejection and reactions’ advised that “the best thing to do is allow yourself to feel the pain, face reality, don’t be afraid to cry if you want, remember it happens to everyone man. Avoid wallowing in self-pity or sliding in the depth of depress.” The most common mistake men make when slapped with a rejection is trying to ‘replace her’. Take your time, focus on the many positive aspects of your life, examine yourself and see where you went wrong so that you don’t repeat the same mistake. ‘Remember anything that doesn’t kill you makes you strong’. It is a hard thing for a guy to accept a defeat, but it’s only when you finally accept and believe that it’s over, and you no longer expect your ex to come back will you are ready to move on with your life. Lack of honesty in people also makes rejection more hurtful! If you don’t like me, say it straight instead of giving me your number and refuse to pick later when I call. Or when we’ve been going out for quite sometime and along the way you find someone you like more, the best thing is telling me is “it’s over, am seeing someone else” other than refusing to pick the call! Ends