DIASPOMAN : When fellow Diaspomen gathered for some swallows

Recently, a big group of Diaspomen came to Rwanda for a short holiday! Wow, they had also come to check out investment opportunities in our beloved country. One thing immediately occupied my mind. Yes, you guessed right! It was indeed a chance for yours truly to hunt for my fellow Diaspomen so that I maximize on any goodies. The difference between me and other Diaspomen is that I am financially poor whereas they are loaded with cash. That is why I decided to manhunt for these Diaspomen with high hopes of filling my tummy with frothy beverages. I was informed that such a Diaspo gathering was due to take place at the posh Serena hotel. My mind started to work very fast. I did not want to let Aggrey know about this gathering. You see, sometimes when you want to guzzle excessively, it’s advisable that you attend such gatherings without your host. So, as usual I had to cook up a story. I waited for Aggrey in his sitting room where we always share a glass of juice every morning. He came down from his bedroom just before 8am. We chatted briefly about current affairs. Then I told him about my plans. “At SFB we have organized a picnic at Rwesero and we shall be out for the whole night. Could you kindly assist me with 10k for the function?” Of course, Aggrey agreed. Besides, he has been my main sponsor for this mature entrance degree course at SFB. He was the person who convinced me that I needed the SFB degree if I was to compete in this tough labour market. For me, when I left the Diaspora several years ago, I thought that I would get tough jobs in Kigali due to the fact that I had been exposed to the industrialized world. So I thought that my name would be announced via the Radio that I had been appointed to a huge post. But days, weeks and months passed by without any such Radio announcements. All this time, I was staying at Aggrey’s place, chewing his food and basically living like a king. I continued to wait for the Radio announcement but Wapi! The only option for me was to enrol for books. As I speak now, I am a struggling, aged and tired student at SFB. But as I mentioned to you several times before, it’s not only SFB books that have preoccupied my mind. I have also been enjoying another type of SFB, which stands for Special Free Beers. This love for SFBs has driven me to all kinds of parties in search for free booze. Even this year, I found myself crossing the akanyaru boarder heading for Kiradodora land in quest for some dollars and Amstels. Now, the time had arrived for me to guzzle SFBs at the expense of the rich Diaspomen. With this 10k from Aggrey, I was comfortable that I would pay for any emergencies that could arise such as taxi fares. Good. Thereafter, Aggrey gave me a lift to SFB, where I was supposed to meet my classmates for our picnic. The truth of the matter is that SFB campus was vacated because there was no picnic at all. Aggrey did not notice it so he just drove away and left me at the deserted campus. As soon as he disappeared, I ran back to Gikondo where I boarded a moto. I hang around town waiting for the ripe time. I was supposed to join the other Diaspomen at the Serena hotel from around 6pm. Naturally; I was not invited by anyone. I convinced myself that I would just join the gathering and meet old acquaintances. So, at 6pm sharp, I went to the poolside where I settled for the cheapest drink; Coca Cola. As I sipped the drink, my eye darted from corner to corner in hopes of spotting an old Diaspo friend. It took me another 2 hours to finish up my first Coca Cola bottle. This is because my tongue was not used to this bitter taste and of course because my pocket was not ready to pay for more than 1 bottle. Finally, the group of Diaspo people started to flood the area. At last my throat was going to enjoy frothy booze. I quickly linked up with them and we started to attack beer after beer! I met some old friends who had made it abroad. They asked me about the investment opportunities in Rwanda. Apparently, these guys had made so much money that they felt the desire to invest at home. That was a good gesture indeed! I encouraged them to invest as much as possible. In the meantime, we continued to crash beers and danced the night away. In the midst of the fun, my phone rang. It was Aggrey. “Hey Diaspo, how is the picnic at Rwesero?” In a drunken manner, I responded to Aggrey; “OH YESH! Its shwell, we are having sho much fun here in Rwesero. Oh, Aggrey, this is sho much fun. You should think of coming over one day”. Then Aggrey asked me a puzzling question; “Oh Aggrey, since when did Rwesero shift to Serena? He he he”. It was at this moment that I realized I’d been nabbed. Apparently, Aggrey was calling me from the Serena poolside where he was having fun with buddies. “Hey, Diaspoman, just come over and enjoy with us as well…” diaspoman@yahoo.com