Facebook ranks as one of the biggest influences of soft-technology on society in the recent past.
What began as an innocent attempt at a social networking site is now a phenomenon whose impacts are as wide as they are deep.
It has created life-long friendships and marriages, and destroyed others with the same intensity. It reduces our work-place productivity by almost half and keeps us in touch with all the gossip, innuendo, truths and half-truths about our friends and acquaintances, who’s in, who’s out, who’s down and who’s not.
As we marvel or sneer at it, we cannot help but notice the different types of online persona that Facebook has brought out.
The Comment it all Facebooker
John has commented on your status! John likes your status! John likes your relationship status! John commented on your wall post!
He comments on everybody’s wall, photo and status update. While this person may be helpful at times, his comments, which are available all the time, are downright irritating.
The Insecure booby
This one is so obsessed with updating his profile statement and, if in two minutes no one has commented, he goes on to change it. If no one comments, he will indicate so many times that he likes or unlikes his update, severally commenting on it.
Such a person is looking for acceptance and love on the web, soft love. While he can be a source of fun and entertainment, this type too, is a bother. To make it worse, such Facebookers never know what to say, when and where.
The Facebook Fossil
She’s dead and buried. Her ideology is the exact anti-thesis of the insecure person upstairs. She last updated her status when she joined Facebook a year ago.
Well, as much as she does not really interfere with the lives of others, she is seriously wasting valuable Internet space.
The Gossip Girl
This type of Facebooker is interesting. She starts a nice story on your wall, comments on it twice, and the third comment always reads “Check your inbox!” Leaves those of us who are curious yearning for access to others’ inboxes and wishing they were accessible to the public.
This type is scary. She has up to 2,000 unknown friends, and she too, is unknown. Her relationship status is always ‘engaged’ or ‘married’, and every two or three hours, she ends her ‘marriages’ and ‘engagements’ and it becomes ‘complicated’.
One defining feature for this one is her profile picture, usually Beyonce or Rihanna, or some sex symbol that says “Come hither”.
Men are always asking for her photo, but she is always quick to divert the line of conversation or ignore it. She is always young and single, has the ‘right’ taste of music and movies.
This one’s a dreamer. He has photos of Parliament, State House or Capitol Hill as his profile picture. They parade themselves as servants of the people by commenting on weighty matters like local politics and Darfur.
The Forceosis Facebooker
Forceosis is a Facebook disease or disorder which causes people to force themselves onto the lives of others by any means necessary. This type is your ‘friend’ although you have never met him.
He includes you in his best friends’ list and indulges you in all sorts of discussions, personal and otherwise. The only remedy is to block this stalker from your wall.
The phantom groupers
Well, like the phantom, we never know what they will use Facebook for. They sell wares and business plans, seek votes for some noble cause, raise a controversial question about you (Like “Would Nelson look good in tights?”), preach about the second coming of Jesus and teach you how to kiss
The Stone-Age Facebooker
Most of us started here, or are here. This is the real user of Facebook and simply uses it to connect to friends and family and meet new people. This type updates status once in a while and knows when and on what to comment.