Dear Aunt Silvia,
I am a young unmarried man. I have been dating four girls at a go but have not engaged myself with them sexually. Among the four girls I am trying to see who can make a good wife for me in the future.
My friends think that I am being naughty by dating these girls, and when I tell them that I have never engaged myself with them sexually, they don’t believe me. Is it wrong to date multiple partners just so that I can choose from them which one fits me?
It is not a crime to have a set of girls to whom you want to choose a wife from, for as long as you do not lead all of them into believing that you are going to marry them, only for them to be disappointed later.
Also, don’t engage with them sexually. It is highly dangerous and suicidal to have all these girls in tow and engage them sexually.
You can have a platonic relationship with all the girls, whereby you don’t show love to either of them as you make your mind as to who befits to be called your wife in the near future.
Take your time to make your choice; don’t be in a rush just because your friends think you are being mischievous or naughty with what you are doing as long you are honest with yourself.
The reason why dating multiple people can help you find the right person for you is mainly because you have more options to choose from when you are dating.
When a person has more options in the dating game they don’t feel as much pressure to make things work with anyone person in particular.
If it doesn’t work with one person it doesn’t really matter because you have a lot more people to choose from. While you are dating these people you start to see similar traits in the people that you are dating that you like and that you might also see certain things you might not like so much.
This then gives you a chance to learn more about yourself. You learn how you act and react to different types of people and now you have a better understanding of what works for you and what doesn’t work for you in a relationship.
During this time you will have a more open mind about people and relationships. If you thought that all women were flakey you will notice that 2 of the 4 women that you are dating aren’t flakey because they call you back and keep all of their appointments with you.
If at all in their minds thought all men just want them for sex 2 out of the 4 girls that you are dating will still want to see you because you haven’t had sex with them and believe in your honesty.
Of course at the end of the day everyone is an individual, but there will always be a certain type of characteristic that an individual might have that attracts you. You found out that you liked that characteristic by experiencing those types of traits in the people you’ve dated.
So when it comes to narrowing it down to one person you will know exactly what you want and what you are looking for.
If that person that you’ve found knows exactly what they are looking for in you then that person would make a great match for you. Good luck in your search!