Modern Rwandans suffer from marrying the Hollywood love image with the pragmatic model of traditional marriage.
I mean modern Rwandans marry for love, something so ethereal and fleeting. Whereas our grandparents married for pragmatic reasons but built a love bond over time. When one is in a relationship, one feels the need to rush it and marry while the feelings are hot but that fades with time.
When that initial rush is over, one hopes that the couple have something to bind them other than kids.
I have always thought it is better to wait; the trick is to meet the right person and the right time and do the right things, simple eh? I realise that I met the right girl in the past, but at the wrong time, and stuff jammed.
That is better than meeting the wrong girl at the right time, because soon that time will be over.
When I was younger, just after my teens, I could have been described as amorous and enjoyed the baser pursuits. I always wondered if I could be faithful, even though I didn’t know what faithful was.
Like most people I thought it meant not sleeping with other people, but it is more than that. Like the word says – it is about having faith in someone. It is bigger than sexual fidelity.
A man who is faithful has a wider value system that guides him, he is faithful and loyal to his friends, he doesn’t talk behind their back. He is faithful to his boss and does what is asked.
He is faithful to his wife and believes in her, he is faithful to his children and will never abandon them; he is grateful for what he has and knows the value of it.
You will never be faithful to your wife unless you believe in her, unless you believe that she can provide everything you need, and if she can’t provide it then you don’t need it. Unless you are beholden to others you will never keep your word.
Faith is belief, not what you see, not what you feel, but what you know is right. Your feelings will always trick you, in our modern life we always say “Do whatever you feel is right.” One must know what is right before the situation or you will be swayed by fickle feelings.
The body is king over the mind these days, no longer guided by values but seeking pleasure; the Ancient Greeks struggled with this complex issue.
Hedonists believed that we were just pleasure-seeking beings, this ideology still purveys today. The body is adorned, pampered, placated, idealised, and sexualised but the core within is forgotten.
So we wonder what the perfect formula for marriage is, and as a bachelor I am least qualified to lecture people, I was just outlining the hopes and aspirations for my marriage.
I hope I have a woman who believes in me, as unconditionally as I believe in her. To me that is being faithful, because that is where it begins and ends.