Dear Aunt Silvia,
I am a young man who works in a local NGO. I have a colleague who undermines everything that I do at work; he reports every step that I make to my bosses.
He is fond of bad mouthing me to all my colleagues to an extent that I have now found myself to be a lone ranger at my place of work.
What I can no longer take is that he is also feeding my girlfriend with lies saying that I am in love with another female colleague.
It has been almost a month since my girlfriend cut all communications with me, but people tell me that this guy is seen around with her.
What do I do? I am afraid that I might take very extreme measures to get even with this guy. Please, advise.
You are dealing with a malicious person. This is a kind of a person who will stop at nothing to hurt you and bring you down. But even so have you ever tried talking to him and asking him what exactly his problem is?
Sometimes such people are better dealt with when you confront them head on.
Also, have you tried talking to your bosses about this issue, because a good manager is the one who knows all their juniors and their weakness, and be in a position to correct where there is a wrong?
Surely people at your place of work think in reverse- because such a person is not to be entertained at all, in other organizations they are dealt with fair and square- put them where they belong so that in future they don’t attempt to spread maliciousness in the office again.
They are paid to work not to rumour monger. You should also know that life has never been fair to anyone at one given time- in the meantime do not be afraid to be a lone ranger- sometimes one is better off alone.
Sometimes some of these people who spread malicious info around, are not aware of the impact they have on others, they think that what they are doing is amusing rather than hurtful- because to them it is almost natural to behave the way they do.
That is why it is usually advised to try a one on one with them, before you make a hasty decision which might end up destroying your life for good, even though you have been the one who was very hurt in the first place.
As for your relationship with your girlfriend, something needs to give here; she has to make a decision of either being with you or not.
You can’t afford to have a girlfriend who is swayed by the wind whichever direction it blows from! She has been with you for the last five years so she should know you better than that egoist of a man who is trying so much to ruin your life.
This is something one should not even wait for another day, she should be the first one to be dealt with; call her immediately and the two of you meet.
Ask her what the problem is and what exactly it is that she wants. It’s either she sticks with you or she packs and goes.
Do not compromise with your life- never settle for fair, because fair is not good enough.
Deal with these two people head on, then dust it off your shoulders like nothing ever happened- after all whatever happens, life must continue!