HUMOUR : Bird Hunter storms Tusker Project

When the auditions for the now very popular East African music talent show, or competition if you like, the Tusker Project Fame kicked off, I was one of the highly aspiring candidates. Not that I had any feeling that I had a talent in music- never!

When the auditions for the now very popular East African music talent show, or competition if you like, the Tusker Project Fame kicked off, I was one of the highly aspiring candidates.

Not that I had any feeling that I had a talent in music- never! There is no one in my family that I know of who has ever sang in a village gathering or church choir let alone record a song in a studio or take part in a music competition.

Rather, my intentions were purely bird hunting because I knew when it comes to singing, no one does it better than the birds.

You see, these creatures don’t break their voices at the onset of adolescence like their male counterparts and hence their voices remain ‘musical’ until the evening of their time on this earth.

That is how one thing led to another and I found myself plotting to take part in the auditions with high hopes of an ultimate place among the selected few from the land of 1k hills who would join other East Africans in the Tusker Academy.

My target was the Tusker Academy where I was very sure there would be numerous birds from all the four participating East African nations.

I was basing my assumption on the fact that birds with a good voice have very high chances of having good looks and other accompaniments- that is if Juliana Kanyomozi, J-Lo and Miss Shannel are anything to go by.

Once there, my game plan was definitely not to out-do my academy housemates in training my vocals but rather, in keeping the birds so busy such that the theme of the whole show would change and become ‘bird hunting into singing’.

I am sure that Tusker would be left in a dilemma whether to organize a music talent show or a bird hunting talent show next year.

Well, but as I planned to take part in the auditions, I remembered the fact that to be selected at country level in the first place, one had to possess the talent in music and their vocals had to be impressive.

That is how I went to this hospital whose name suggests that we are endowed with oil resources yet we even struggle to get water.

Here there is a good ENT (Ear Nose and Throat) specialist who I consulted on the account of my vocals.

Well he informed me that although I should actually have seen a music specialist for this, he thought I had no chance in being selected for a serious music competition.

To avoid damaging my name, I decided against going to the auditions anyway and stayed behind plotting some other way of going there without having to go through the rigorous processes.

In the meantime, I sat back and watched day in day out as the auditions were conducted. I regretted not having gone there because those who were audacious enough to do so were not more talented than I was.

I remember a time when as I watched the auditions I almost wept when some dark guy jumped on stage to do a song he called ‘baby girl.’ Couldn’t the hyena find some other words to abuse?

Something like ‘baby boy’ should have suited him. Playing around with girls is totally unacceptable! (Pun intended of course!)

Anyway, I have not relented on the show and that is why I have been following the on goings in the academy so closely.

I should say that I am very proud of my boy Christian (I am not sure he is surviving this weekend though) who has carried the 1k hills flag very conspicuously in the house by conquering a bird from another species, something no one else has been able to do.

Actually, I have been voting for him because I think Alpha is an utter embarrassment for failing to conquer anything yet he comes from the land of hunters.

Christian brings back the fond memories of the one and only Gaetano who set the bird hunting record in the Big Brother show.  Please, help me to vote for our man Christian so that he can stay in the house until the end.

You need to know that ‘no Christian in the house, no ‘music’ in the house’. Perhaps by the time you are reading this, the music has ended in the house.

Illuminata will not be singing again so she will be on probation again and she will also hit the exit. So the house will be left with barren hunters who will give no one any reason to go on watching TPF. Thank you.

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