HUMOUR:Bird Hunter warns all gym goers to be afraid, very afraid!

Finally the dossier is ready and as things look, the curtain has fallen on all love launderers. Soon and very soon I will be knocking on the prosecutor’s door (this is a serious matter which merits flouting procedures) to present my dossier.

Finally the dossier is ready and as things look, the curtain has fallen on all love launderers. Soon and very soon I will be knocking on the prosecutor’s door (this is a serious matter which merits flouting procedures) to present my dossier.

After this, the onus will be on the police to execute the arrest warrant.

I will personally be there to witness panda gari trucks rounding up the unsuspecting kanyamas lining up the streets as usual looking up and down at every passing vehicle driven by a bird.

I am imagining a scenario where, after being given the arrest warrant with instructions to round up all those love-black marketers roaming the entire town but specifically around the city Mosque and the post office, the police will mount a major operation, one that they have not mounted for a long time since the time of operation mayibobo picking up those Schwarzenegger look-alikes like nsenene.

I know there will be a problem because some innocent people might be picked up mistakenly because they could be gym goers and therefore have bodies like those of the targeted group of love black marketers.

But then it would be quite difficult to identify a love black marketer by merely looking at him. 

The orders should be to arrest on site anybody carrying an extra-ordinary body mass and height.

I am not talking about the beer bellied fellas because these are harmless and peace loving people.

Since this would be a round up operation, the principle would be to sweep the streets and the damage would be controlled later.

I know some good friends of mine who have been frequenting the gym for reasons of keeping fit and healthy and end up acquiring muscles and hardening of their chests as a result of lifting weights and training their muscles.

Indeed there are so many other people who have transformed their bodies to look like body builders but their reasons are more for self satisfaction than bird hunting as a way to earn a living.

But then on the day of the operation if any of these happen to be in town, they will have to be picked and screened and then released.

The operation will be thorough, enduring, efficient and will last for a whole week so that nobody will escape from the dragnet.

I am sure that after this operation, things will be back to normal and only genuine bird hunters will be left on the market.

Aspiring ones will also be able to evolve within the conventional norms of bird hunting.

I will ensure that love black marketeering is completely outlawed and anybody suspected to be involved in love laundering will be arrested and put behind bars for a long time.

I myself will ensure that the town is deployed with informers who will be monitoring the situation to report anyone suspected to be involved in the love black market.

I am sure that after this operation, order will be restored. So much will be saved thanks to my ‘patriotic’ thinking.

First and foremost there will be no more kajagari in bird hunting and second, there will be no more economic crisis in homes because all the money that has been used to pay off these love black marketers will be taken back to the family budget.

Hopefully, the young birds will also change their preference from hanks to beer bellied men, and what will prevail next is what is called bird hunting for all or universal bird hunting.

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